@ The Citadel Coliseum
CONFERENCE QUALIFIERS
Coin Toss: Headcrabs win, will kick
Kickoff: Pyro launches to Michael Myers, who only realizes he caught a flare and not a football about the time it goes off.
1st-3rd: A pissed off Myers destroys Gandalf (they are replaced respectively by Marv and John Carter). For the next 47 plays (which gets well into the third quarter), no one scores. The Headcrabs at least appear to be trying to score. The Hippie Punchers may have stumbled onto the gridiron only seeing the "sudden death overtime" sign and thinking it was time to party. This finally comes to a head with 3 minutes left in the 3rd quarter, when John Carter and Soldier get into a leaping-esque pissing contest and land on Jules, who yells at them to jump one more god damn time and they both do. Its hard to make out the exact order of events after that, at least until the National Guard's report is finished, but we do know that at the end of the 3rd quarter the Headcrabs have managed 2 points via a safety during the brawl and that the spillover from the benches and sidelines leave both teams with just two players. The Headcrabs put Marvin White on offense while King Arthur takes over defense, and the Hippie Punchers put Splinter on defense and ALF on offense.
4th: This is the saddest quarter in the history of football.
RESULT: C17FH 2 - MCHP 0
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