Headcrabs vs. Phoenixes

The City 17 Fighting Headcrabs vs. The Planet Zeist Phoenixes
@ Seacouver Stadium

CONFERENCE QUALIFIERS
Toss: Headcrabs win, will receive.
Kickoff: Lohan kicks, Neo catches, avoids being taken down until the HC 40YL by Optimus Prime.
1st: Demoman manages to launch three successful touchdowns to Neo, who manages to avoid Optimus Prime. Gandalf holds back the Phoenixes mostly, other than a play where Nightcrawler managed to teleport around him for a touchdown. In the final bits of the quarter, The Comedian gets tired of this shit and takes the old man out, allowing another touchdown by Spider-man. Gandalf is replaced by Hulk Hogan, while The Comedian is removed from play and replaced by Optimus Prime, while Hellboy takes over Prime's previous defense duties.
2nd: Though Batman manages to find himself open in nearly every play, Demoman doesn't realize it until well into the quarter. Once he does, he begins a quick series of successful scoring via Batman during the team's possessions. Meanwhile, Spiderman, Bourne, and Duncan each land a touchdown themselves for their team. No tries are successful for either team. Tired of Batman's shit, Hellboy goes beastmode and takes out Batman (by breaking his back) and Demoman (by breaking his spirit [and his back]).
3rd: Bond, back from a quarter with a cheerleader, replaces Demoman while John Carter replaces Batman. Dean Winchester comes in for Hellboy. Carter manages two touchdowns, but the tide turns as the Phoenixes steamroll over Hogan.
4th: Bond leaves with a cheerleader and is replaced by Marvin White, who is immediately ran over by Dean Winchester who carries the fumble for a touchdown. Marvin is replaced by King Arthur, and Dean by Madea. The spy manages two running plays but the clock runs out before the headcrabs can rally back fully.
RESULT: C17FHC 57 - PZP 64

Headcrabs vs. Hippie Punchers

City 17 Fighting Headcrabs vs. The Mann Co. Hippie Punchers
@ The Citadel Coliseum
CONFERENCE QUALIFIERS

Coin Toss: Headcrabs win, will kick
Kickoff: Pyro launches to Michael Myers, who only realizes he caught a flare and not a football about the time it goes off.
1st-3rd: A pissed off Myers destroys Gandalf (they are replaced respectively by Marv and John Carter). For the next 47 plays (which gets well into the third quarter), no one scores. The Headcrabs at least appear to be trying to score. The Hippie Punchers may have stumbled onto the gridiron only seeing the "sudden death overtime" sign and thinking it was time to party. This finally comes to a head with 3 minutes left in the 3rd quarter, when John Carter and Soldier get into a leaping-esque pissing contest and land on Jules, who yells at them to jump one more god damn time and they both do. Its hard to make out the exact order of events after that, at least until the National Guard's report is finished, but we do know that at the end of the 3rd quarter the Headcrabs have managed 2 points via a safety during the brawl and that the spillover from the benches and sidelines leave both teams with just two players. The Headcrabs put Marvin White on offense while King Arthur takes over defense, and the Hippie Punchers put Splinter on defense and ALF on offense.
4th: This is the saddest quarter in the history of football.
RESULT: C17FH 2 - MCHP 0



Headcrabs vs. Lycanthropes

City 17 Fighting Headcrabs vs. The Lankmar Lycantropes

@ The Ballpark of Pleasure

Coin Toss: Headcrabs Win, will receive.
Kickoff: Conan kicks to Neo, taken down at the LL 20 by The Terminator.
1st: The Headcrabs land two touchdowns with successful conversions and the Lycans pull in Mr. Wizard. Though the crabs grab one more conversion-less touchdown, Mr. Wizard leads the Lycans to three touchdowns as well with all succesful tries.
2nd: For the majority of the quarter it plays out the exact same until on the ifnal try by the Lycans, Jaina sacks Mr. Wizard. The conversion fails and Mr. Wizard is replaced by Daredevil who started.
3rd/4th: Thrall is injured early on and replaced by Hulk Hogan. Without the tactical experience of Mr. Wizard, the Lycans do not land as many successful plays or block as much. The Headcrabs begin to pull away which continues into the 4th quarter which they then dominate.

RESULT: C17FH 76 - LL 41

Coalition vs. Headcrabs

The Central City Coalition vs. City 17 Fighting Headcrabs

@ The Citadel Coliseum

Coin Toss: Coalition wins, will receive.
Kickoff: Pyro kicks, Superman catches, laterals to The Flash, who touchdowns.
Entier Game Synopsis: Literally, this is back and forth. Every play is a touchdown and a successful try, back and forth. The defense of each team can't compete against the might of the offense.

RESULT: CCC 147 - FH 140