Eels vs. Aberrations

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

TWO UNDEFEATED TEAMS ENTER.
ONLY ONE LEAVES.

Coin Toss: The Aberrations win, and will receive.

Kickoff: Jesus kicks for a pickup by Parallax who instantly disappears and is removed from having ever existed when Samwise uses the Green Lantern ring from earlier in the season to focus his boundless and will and love for Mr. Frodo into assisting Carol Ferris in shutting down Parallax's power, but with the mental strength of Professor X and River assisting the bolstered strength of Love is sent through the kick of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who himself has an infinite capacity of love to create the ultimate power of Love, obliterating the creature. The fumbled ball is picked up by Iron Fist, who manages a large gain before being taken down by Hooper and her friends the Xtacles, who have came to the game from the Crows as the result of an earlier trade in the season.

1st Quarter: The Aberrations come back strong. The drained Carol Ferris on the sidelines and Atrocious' rage is infinite after the destruction of Parallax. The team meets their first real defensive might when they come up against Hooper and the Xtacles. The team creates a shotgun formation forcing Hooper into tight quarters, where Donatello manages to slip off the sidelines and disable her arm. An initial attempt to utilize this arm results in an error, but a second attempt proves deadly to the Eels: Donatello activates the self destruct in every Xtacles helmet, leaving only Hooper and the Aberrations use this time to get around and score. Donatello is blackflagged from the bench and game. The Eels manage to block the attempt and take the possession but it turns bad when Atrocious uses his rage to scare off Carol from the sideline which causes her to false start several times. Finally The Penquin figures out what is going on and informs Aquaman, who pulls her from play. Lobo focuses on the quarterback, which allows the Eels to gain a touchdown - but Aquaman is sacked in the process and at this point Lobo slips the glove off of his hand to reveal The Thirst - taken from former Crow and now deceased Sinestro who got it from Aquaman earlier in the season. This messes with the hero quite a bit, and the neverending taunting of Luke Cage and Iron Fist about how he gave away his power to heal and it was used to hurt people damages the psyche of Arthur Curry. The conversion fails. 

2nd Quarter: The Aberrations come back again this time against a defense of a buffed up Bean. Bean manages to slow the team down but the Magnetic Fastball now includes Cage and Fist who manage the Grab & Smash & Slash so the team makes it to the endzone. The loaned Falkor succeeds on a kick for the Aberrations, gladly helping score against the team that caused his death once. The Eels recuperate fast when Christ succeeds on a 1d4 roll to grant his entire team +1 for the game. Jesus hears from River what Lobo will be doing on defense and embraces him and summons the power of his own Ark, melting Lobo's face and banishing them both to Purgatory as Lobo can not enter the afterlife. The Eels score.  With their kicker in purgatory, the Eels bring out current defense Bean who decides on a conversion. The Aberrations field Bender in Lobo's place who manages to prevent the conversion. 

3rd Quarter: Regaining possession, the Aberrations meet an even more beefed up Bean on the field. Though Bean can easily catch and stop the carriers, these are carriers who you don't always want to necessarily cuddle with. Wolverine/Iron Fist/Luke Cage hurt Bean before he becomes too OP, and manage a touchdown - though the kick attempt actually fails and the team remembers why they miss Squirrel Girl. The Medic goes out of play while the Eels gain carry and works to heal Bean. During this time, the Eels forced Bender to go down thanks to Clinton which allows them to score. But without their kicker, the team relies on a conversion attempt that fails. 

4th Quarter: The Aberrations come out and mean business. Demoman purposely loads a fake football and sleight of hands the ball to Wolverine who runs on the outside for a touchdown. He is not caught by the fully restored and buffed Bean thanks to the fake ball being full of the detonation gum from the Eels, which slows him down and sticks him in place. But Bean blocks the conversion and the Eels regain possession. The Eels get around Bender for a touchdown and without their kicker Jesus and with several failed conversion attempts Aquaman decides to try his luck at kicking. But way earlier when Lobo was still in he laid The Thirst on him, and that little bit of doubt and pain in Aquaman trips him up. The 32 yard field goal misses. 

Final: GBSE 24 - AA 25

Season 3 Week 9

BROWNCOATS vs ABERRATIONS
Aberrations outsmart the Browncoats 43 - 27

MIA vs IMPALERS

The MIA show why they're the Fastest Team Alive - ranking up a high score of 89 - 34

EELS vs LEVIATHANS
A passing game back and forth ends when the Leviathans have too many players blackflagged for injury, allowing the Eels to win as the current points leader at 21 - 14

MILITANTS vs SENTINELS
In the second upset of the week, the winless Sentinels break their bad luck streak on the backs of the Militants 32 - 27, mostly as a result of the Militants having several starters injured early on.

PANDAS vs CROWS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Buzzsaw kicks for a pickup by Indiana Jones, who manages a decent gain before being taken down by Wonder Woman.
Game Synopsis: The first quarter of the game sees the Crows gain a considerable lead, as the Panda defense can't even touch their offensive line. Jax Teller comes in during the first quarter replacing King Kong as defense for one play. This gives the Pandas basically a free touchdown but during the play Jax injures Fred Flintstone, putting him out for the game. Kong returns to defense after this. Things finally turn darker for the Crows when Neil Patrick Harris manages to seduce Wonder Woman away from the Crows. Kong is deflated and upset and not quite as potent as he previously was, though still stronger than the Panda defense. The Pandas restructure their line. During the second quarter the sexual harrassers manage a few touchdowns and cycle through several bench players. Thunderbird replaces the dejected Kong for a play and ends up injuring Ambush Bug. However the Pandas manage to utilize Kirk to counteract the efficiency of The Doctor. During the second half, Jax returns for a play and injures Cowardly Lion before he gains the courage to fight back. The Pandas turn Wonder Woman against her former teammates and manage to get the truth of their playbook out of them, allowing them to return score. In the end it comes down to raw stats as the slightly superior Kong defense and the fourth quarter injection of Neville without the Pandas own Lion to counteract gives them the upperhand.

After the game the Crows are seen cussing out their newest recruit The War Doctor for allowing Kirk to get into his head.

Final: SHP 39 - CC 41

GRENADES vs AUTOMATONSThe Atlus boys continue a streak of refined gameplay when they pummel the Automatons 38 - 21

Season 3, Week 8

Commissioner's Note: Due to lack of strategies being sent in, and thus lack of plentiful writeups - coupled with finals week, this week will be one quick post with highlights.

GAME ONE:

Aberrations beat Impalers 48 - 21
Highlights: A new player
“As the Aberrations take the field, a new creature comes with them.  It seems to be a giant insect of some sort, complete with huge mandibles and long forearms, with 4 very strong, shorter, human arms attached to the torso.  As the Abberations lineup is announced, they call it “Umber Goro”, and seem to have it playing…kicker…”

Ousa is resurrected from death last week by Jozan. The Aberrations re-kill Falkor.
GAME TWO:

The Eels test their streak with a slight win in triple overtime over the MIA - 121 to 118

GAME THREE:
Grenades win 28 - 21
Grenades win in the third quarter when neither team can field a full team and they are already in the lead.

GAME FOUR:

Browncoats win 33 - 17

Browncoats use the rules of the game and see the Leviathans get blackflagged until they can't field a full team and forfeit.

GAME FIVE:

Pandas win 13 - 6

GAME SIX:

Crows win 40 - 33
HORCRUX/RIDDLE UPDATE:
Following up on the dual clues last week, RIDDLE was able to deduce that the next two targets are Pinhead's Lament Configuration puzzle box and the Holocaust Cloak hanging in the Eels trophy room. As of now, the coalition has not come up with a strategy to destroy either item.

Horcrux #5 and #6 tipoff

The RIDDLE Coalition took care of Teddy.

Now they must continue to locate horcruxes.

Browncoats vs Automatons

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

vs.

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive.

Kickoff: Kong kicks for a pickup by Took, who is tackled by Blackbeard.

Game Synopsis: The Browncoats are still feeling the loss of tactical genius and former quarterback Neil DeGrasse Tyson. However they still have a very fast team. The Automatons rely on a slightly more tactical game. The defensive ends of both teams fail to keep up with their opponents offense. In the end its the speed of the Browncoats and Took's interceptions that put them ahead. 

Final: BDB 36 - MA 30

Militants vs Pandas

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

vs.
THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive.

Kickoff: Gandalf kicks for a pickup by Neil Patrick Harris, who makes a small gain before being taken down by Potter.

Game Synopsis: The Pandas bring a strong running game which the foot clan of the Militants keeps up with mostly. However, with Hannibal boosting his ability to pass, he manages to get around them. Gandalf gets angry and refuses to allow his pass from the bench once each quarter, negating a touchdown each time. Meanwhile the Militants manage to easily stay away from the Panda defensive Clifford to keep even. Having an additional man - Ron, on the field, helps them as well. In the fourth quarter its a buffed up Cowardly Lion who manages to pull the Pandas ahead just enough.

Final: MOO 41 - SHP 47

Impalers vs Leviathans

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs.

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

Coin Toss: Impalers win, will receive.

Kickoff: Wulfgar kicks for a pickup by Death, who nearly returns for a touchdown before being taken down by Famine.

Game Synopsis: This game sees a slightly tactically superior Impalers blow past the weaker defense of the Leviathans. Meanwhile the Leviathans "waste" time trying to injure members of the Impalers, only to learn that most are immortal and simply heal and return. The Leviathans do manage one death though: President Teddy's own teddy: His bear. 

Final: II 28 - IL 14

Grenades vs Eels

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

vs.

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

The Grenades have made a one-week bargain with the Aberrations that sees them bring in Parallax for defense over their own Brienne of Tarth. 

Coin Toss: Grenades still win, will receive

Kickoff: Jesus kicks for a pickup by Silver Surfer, who makes a decent gain before being tackled by Alcide.

Game Synopsis: The Grenades gain the advantage from the start with Parallax being a tough defense for the Eels. He is able to keep up with them, and at one point he controls Eels quarterback Aquaman - causing a turnover that leads to a Grenade touchdown. Meanwhile the Eels work hard to get around Parallax, managing to do so but taking several downs usually. Loras tries and fails to seduce Dexter, while Dexter learns of Voldemort's evil past and tries to kill him while he is on the Eel bench. Though he does what would normally be considered a permanent kill, the horcruxes that still survive (see RIDDLE) keep this from working*. Dexter is blackflagged for his incursion onto the Eel bench, but as he is not a starter for the Grenades it doesn't affect them much. The Eels rely on Samwise to beef up their carrier, getting around Parallax. Meanwhile the Grenades get around the Eel defense rather easily until they've made a few touchdowns. Then The Hulk comes out, and now we see two teams with strong defensive lines going head to toe. The game even enters sudden death overtime, where the first team to score and break the tie wins. Aquaman and the Eels fail to score and after four downs the Grenades gain possession. The Hulk keeps them preoccupied as well but Professor X comes in and gets John Marston to turn cloak, causing him to run backwards until The Hulk can tackle him for a safety in the Eel end zone. 

Final: RPG 38 - GBSE 41

*Had the RIDDLE stuff never come up, the Kinktrollers would have simply killed Voldemort. However, with that roleplay being allowed weeks ago, its been established that the horcruxes must be destroyed first. In order to try to roleplay some, it has been decided that just like in the movies - but at a much faster rate - Voldemort is weakened and needs to regain a body. Which - surprise surprise, will take him a week. So he will not be available to play for the Eels next week (week 8) but can return on Week 9.

Sentinels vs MIA

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN MIA

Coin Toss: Han helps the Sentinels shoot first (or in this case, receive)

Kickoff: Kamen Rider kicks for a pickup by Rocky, who makes a large gain before being taken down by Conan. 

Game Synopsis: The Sentinels can't seem to catch a break. Every week they seem to be working better as a team with a more united front, but keep being outmatched by some of the top ranked teams. This is what we see this week. The Sentinels play a sound game, but the MIA - coming off a rough week mourning several starters, are united in their effort for redemption. The Fastest Team Alive proves their worth. 

Final: CS 38 - MIA 56

Aberrations vs Crows

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE CHARMING CROWS

Flashback to November 11th, 2013: In the aftermath of the game that saw Sinestro lose his hand

and ring when RIDDLE took the first horcrux, Sinestro visited the Eels. He sought out their quarterback, Aquaman - upset that he had allowed his teammate to hide such an item on him

without his consent. The two made a deal that will not be fully disclosed here, and Sinestro was seen on the sidelines looking different and holding his hand (as mentioned in that following Crow game synopsis). Here, Sinestro will finally use his end of the deal.

Flashback to November 27th, 2013:

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long for a pickup by Goro, who makes a large gain before The Lone Ranger takes him down. 

First Half: The Asgardians start strong with a quick touchdown play Magnetic fastball. Uncle Sam quickly suggests that King Kong come over to play for his boys, and the great ape does just that. Sauron and the Nazgul come out to replace Kong, while Kong enters play for the Aberrations offense. The Crows get the ball and Cullen distracts Bender while Sonic runs the touchdown. Squirrel Girl attempts to gain Batman's attention but fails. The Aberrations come back into play, and before the Sauron/Nazgul team enter the Crows decide to put Sinestro on the defensive line. At this point the former quarterback removes his glove to showcase a reforged hand made of what appears to be entirely water. The Aberrations manage an easy touchdown when Sinestro ignores the play completely and tackles Demoman and latches his hand around him in a fit of anger beginning The Thirst. The team reforms but Demoman looks like a husk of his former self, and Sinestro looks overly pleased. During the conversion attempt, Demoman calls a QB sneak but actually purposely fumbles the ball to Sinestro, who returns it for a touchdown before the Aberration offense realizes what happened. The refs spend time with their rule book over dead plays and interceptions during conversion attempts, but rule the fumble allowed the play to remain live. This begins a series of plays where the Aberrations easily touchdown, but Sinestro systematically puts the Thirst onto new players and controls their husk and uses the hands portal to the watery dimension to bring out space dolphins that keep Lobo entertained, getting return touchdowns during the conversions, keeping the score tied. Finally Sinestro leaves the defense when the Thirst has been placed on Demoman, Drizz't, Goro, Uncle Sam, and Squirrel Girl. The second quarter sees the Crows pull ahead by over 40 points as they get touchdown followed by a Sinestro-controlled interception or fumble and the Aberrations sit pointless.
Second Half: Having a bit of time to figure things out, Lobo is pissed. More so than normal. So is Wolverine. And Vash. In a series of three plays, all three are black flagged from playing but Sinestro is knocked unconscious during a brawl and loses control of the husks.  However during the brawl Sinestro turned the Thirst on heavily and kills those husks. From the bench Jozan resurrects Demoman, and Ouka takes the death of Uncle Sam, leaving only Goro, Squirrel Girl, and Drizz't dead. Seeing this, Lobo and Wolverine kill Sinestro outright. The Aberrations come back strong, as Batman leaves his post when his players kill. Jax Teller comes out to QB for the Crows before being immediately injured by Lobo, then Neville comes out. Neville manages to keep the Crows in the end zone a couple times, but the pissed off might of the Aberrations coupled with King Kong playing for them sees them close the gap quickly. A final kick to the Crows for a pickup by Cullen who steps out only to be forcibly sent back into the endzone and tackled is what finally puts the Aberrations back in the lead and saves them from an upset. 

Final: AA 83 - CC 78

R.I.P.

Now a free agent
Will not work with a team that kills

Horcrux #4 Tipoff

With the third horcrux discovered and destroyed....

...our mysterious friend returns with a tip for number 4.

Automatons vs Sentinels

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

vs

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: Solo helps the Sentinels receive first. 

Kickoff: Kong kicks for a pickup from by Steele who carries long before being taken down by Sailor Moon.

Game Synopsis: In a rare call, the referees require Sagara (who interfered in a match this week between to other players, see previous post) to not be playable this week. Already being on the bench, the Automatons are not immediately hurt. Tactically, the Automatons are much more refined than the Sentinels. But the big machine monster can outrun the Automatons with ease. Data helps keep the Automatons score in check, but they manage to keep just enough of a lead to win. 

Final: MA 32 - CS 27

Pandas vs Browncoats

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

vs.

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive

Kickoff: Megaman kicks long for a pickup by The Cowardly Lion, who makes a large gain before being tackled by Gimli. 

Game Synopsis: The Browncoats are recovering from their loss last week of star QB and tactician Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and it shows this week. Without the foresight provided by him, the team falls behind as Hannibal leads the Pandas ahead. Both teams manage to get around the others defensive line. The Browncoats do so with pure speed, while the Pandas manage to outsmart. Though the Pandas do win, they also receive a bit of a setback off the field when a large machine enters from the stands and attacks Captain America. 

This creature then collects the shield from Captain and keeps it in a closed hand. Using the anti-fortress Noble Phantasm, the machine is destroyed by its pilot which also results in the destruction of the shield.

Final: SHP 31 - BDB 27

Impalers vs Grenades

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

Coin Toss: Grenades win, will receive

Kickoff: McClane kicks for a pickup by Skywalker who makes a short gain.

Game Synopsis: This game stays close the entire time, and we see two teams attempt to exploit every perceived weakness of the other. Nearly every player's kink goes off at some point. In the end it is the Impaler's superior speed that gives them the advantage for most of the game. But in the fourth, the Grenades play a series of kinks that see them score, intercept, and score again - then manage to get a safety when Marston takes out Roosevelt's bear momentarily, causing him to spill back into the endzone after catching the kick. The Grenades win by a slight margin. 

Final: II 28 - RPG 30

Crows vs. Eels

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

Coin Toss: Eels win, will kick

Kickoff: Voldemort kicks for a pick up by Edward Mullen who makes a small gain before being tackled by Alcide. 

Game Synopsis: Loras almost immediately manages to seduce Cullen to the Eels, but Professor X fails to get into Kong's head and have him defect. The Crows establish a great running game while the Eels possess a much more refined passing game. The game looks to be an upset in the first half, as the Crows pull ahead of the Eels. But in the fourth quarter Voldemort gets tired of his team not getting past King Kong and "takes care of the problem" while a increasingly pissed off Hulk begins to block the Crows. The second half sees the Eels catch up and bypass the Crows. However it turns out that King Kong isn't dead and was tricking Voldemort, and he returns now with a lightning scar on his face and begins to block the Eel rally, ending the third quarter with a tie. The Hulked-up-Hulk and the boosted King Kong prevent any scores from either team in the fourth. Bean and Neville come out in the fourth to boost their respective teams, but the strong defensive lines still seem not to bulge and we enter overtime. Fed up, Bean gives up the touchdown try and manages a 40+ yard field goal to give the Eels the edge. 

Final: CC 38 - GBSE 41

Leviathans vs MIA

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN MIA

Coin Toss: Leviathans win, will receive.

Kickoff: Aragorn kicks for a pickup by Smaug, who makes a large gain before being taken down by Mr. Fantastic.

Game Synopsis: Many things could be said about this game, but simplicity is king. Perhaps taking up the mantle left behind by the Hippie-Punchers, the Leviathans finally bring the pain they've been meaning to the whole year. Football? Pst. The MIA have the score in the bag from the first down. But they don't walk away unscathed. 

Final: IL 17 - MIA 108

RIP: 2004-2013

RIP: 1961 - 2013

RIP: 1999 - 2013

Aberrations vs. Militants

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

Coin Toss: Militants win, will receive.

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks for a pick up by Rick Decard, for a short gain.

Game Synopsis: This game devolves into a brutal slamfest when Uncle Sam brings Shredder over to the Aberrations side, greatly damaging the effectiveness of the Militant defensive line. The score quickly begins to get away from the Militants and then, to add insult to injury, in the fourth quarter we get a renewed adult Simba and Super Shredder who manage to kill so many members of the foot clan that the game has to be called so that the Militants can spend a week recruiting new foot clan members. 

Final: AA 87 - MOO 21

Impalers vs. Automatons

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

Coin Toss: Impalers win, will receive.

Kickoff: Kong kicks for a pickup by Predator, who makes a large gain before being brought down by the combined forces of several Automatons.

Game Synopsis: In a resounding upset, the Impalers destroy the favored Automatons. Though both sides present some strong plays, the tactical might of the Impalers - boosted greatly by Joe Dawson, can't be matched by the Automatons. Meanwhile the automaton defense can not keep up with the speed of most of the Impaler carriers. 

Final: II 44 - MA 21

Eels vs. Browncoats

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

Coin Toss: Eels win, will kick

Kickoff: Jesus comes out and kicks for a pickup by Spy, who manages to return for a touchdown. But the crowd goes silent when they see that Browncoat Quarterback Neil Degrasse Tyson is down. "Jesus" begins to laugh and the crowd notices that it isn't his normal #1 jersey but the #7 of 7 of Lord Voldemort, who polymorphs back to his regular self and cackles as he leaves the field. Degrasse is dead. 

Game Synopsis: An angered Browncoat offense brings out second string QB Stainless Steel Rat, and begin an aggressive running game that sees them put many points on the board in the first half. But this proves to be their downfall, as a pissed off Hulk finally manages to get his hands on Spy and Rey Mysterio and injures them, while Professor X successfully mind controls Glenn Rhee - wrecking the superior speed of the Browncoats. The Eels pull ahead and spend the last quarter padding their lead.

Final: GBSE 53 - BDB 30

RIP
1958 - 2013

Season 3 Week 5 Interim Two: The RIDDLE Coalition destroys another horcrux

During the recent Crows vs Sentinels game, the Sentinels 

took a short detour to destroy their second horcrux. 

Once again our mysterious friend comes to give a detail for the third horcrux.

Crows vs Sentinels

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: The Sentinels have Han who always shoots first, so they win and will receive.

Kickoff: Kamen Rider Ichigo kicks for a pickup by Edward Cullen, who makes a small gain before being tackled by Han Solo.

Game Synopsis: Though both teams use their abilities as much as possible, in the end the Sentinels can not match the raw ability of the Crows. Sinestro is seen on the sidelines with some sort of augmented hand, but never enters play. The Sentinels take the halftime for a short trip to The Maw, where the team gets rid of its horcrux. 

Final: CC 41 - CS 16

Season 3 Week 5 Interim: Horcrux Two

Back at it again, the RIDDLE Coalition is looking to pick up where they left off.

Sensing what the clue is in reference too, the following teams took the following actions:

As a result, the following exchange takes place:

FROM THE MIA:

The Holo of Wynn Dorvan fades, and Leia sits up in her comfortable office chair, lines of worry and stress etched in her face. 
"Okay R2, start recording..." R2 beeps a confirmation. 
"Greeting Mand'alor. I'v recently received word that you may be in possession of a dark artifact, referred to as a Horcrux. This artifact is dangerous, not only to you, but the the galaxy at large. Your recents elevated position as leader of your people would lead me to believe you would take this information seriously. This message is both a request, and a warning. We are both in positions of power in the grand scheme of things, and I'm hoping diplomacy, well, my kind of diplomacy will work to solve the problem at hand. If not, then the Senate, myself, and the majority of the HFL shall resort to your style ...

FROM THE SENTINELS

A lone Firespray-31-class scout craft and a familiar YT-1300 Correlian light freighter enter Coruscant's atmosphere, and enter the busy cityscape. Han Solo on radios on the comlink from his cockpit "Yes, this is Han Solo of the Cybertron Sentinels, I was given permission to land a few minutes ago from the traffic controller, what's the hold up?" A young and skeptic voice replies over the comm "How do I know it's really you? A lot of people can mimic voices these days" Han chuckles and replies "Kid, I've been saving the galaxy since before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye, If you don't think I'm real, take a look outside your window and you'll see all the proof you need" . 

As the young captain looks out his window, the Millenium Falcon buzzes his tower, causing his coffee to spill on his desk. He sighs " Yes Falcon, you have permission to land, have a nice day" . "The price of fame, sometimes you just hate it" , a slightly annoyed Lando Calrissian, who has been sitting in the co pilot's chair the whole time, mutters. "It's not that bad" Han says, "I'm just glad he isn't begging for an autograph" . "Are you kidding? As far as HFL goes we're in the gutter, we need a win", replies Lando. "Hopefully that'll be soon, Lando, We've had some extra practice with help from the Asgardian Abberrations over the last week or so after all" . Optimus Primal smiles and simply says "Well that's just prime".

Shortly after, Han, Lando, Optimus Primal, and Boba Fett are in the main office of the Alderaan MIA. "I understand that this thing is of pure evil, I can almost sense the dark spark of Voldermont right here" , a calm and passive Optimus Primal exclaims. "We will hopefully take care of this artifact soon enough" Boba Fett replies.

FROM THE MIA

 Leia studies the faces in her office. There's her beloved Han, father of her children, hero of the galaxy time and again. The silent, helmeted stare of Fett, unnerving as usual. The sole reason they are here. Then there's the creature she's never met yet, towering over the other two, Optimus Primal. Lastly, the light hearted, good natured Lando Calrissian. She lets her eyes shift from one to the other, lingering on Han, and giving him a coy smile. She clears her throat.
"Gentleman, thank you for coming. We all know why we are here. So let's get down to business."
Her gaze shifts to Fett, and she shifts in her seat, sitting straight, and places her folded hands on her desk.
"I'm not exactly aware of the power of these artifacts, but I do know they are great indeed. Terrible, but great. As Optimus said, I too can feel the darkness within it." 
She points just beyond Fett.
"Your jet pack, Fett. That is the Horcrux. If any of you watched the Immortals game, then you witnessed one such Horcrux destroyed. Now, I have not the means nor the knowledge to destroy this one in such a way, but I do have a plan. I'm not sure if any of you know what The Maw is.."
Han shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"... Except maybe Han. The Maw is, or more accurately, was Abeloths... prison, if you will. An abandoned sister space station of the one my late son Anakin destroyed, Centerpoint. The Maw is encircled by a series of super massive black holes. Centerpoint was the tool that kept these black holes in check. Once it was destroyed, one of the black holes shifted slightly, thus freeing Abeloth. That was very bad news when we found out about it, when we learned what Centerpoint, The Maw, and Abeloth was. But for us, now, this can be good news. Due to the resulting shift of one of the black holes, two are now "waring" with each other. The points of no return, where the gravitational pull is so strong there is no escape once you reach this point, are playing a sort of tug of war with each other. My plan, is to shoot this Horcrux into the center of these two points of no return, and let the gravitational pulls rip it apart at the cellular level. And no worries, Fett. I shall replace your jet pack, with one not tainted by any dark magics."
She falls silent, waiting for any objection, comment, or concern.

FROM THE LEAGUE COMMISSIONER

THE SENTINELS PLAY THE CROWS THIS WEEK, THE NEXT GAME. STAY TUNED TO SEE WHAT BECOMES OF HORCRUX NUMBER TWO. 

Grenades vs. Pandas

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

vs.

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive.

Kickoff: Spider Jerusalem kicks for a pickup by Flintstone, who makes a short gain before being put down by John Marston. 

Game Synopsis: This game is close, and actually goes into sudden death overtime. We see two similarly matched teams. The RPGs bring the most brainpower to the table, but not by much as the Pandas are still smart in their own right. Both teams are fast, but the Pandas are able to slightly outrun the Grenades. The saving grace that helped the Pandas cement the deal was Neil Patrick Harris convincing Briene to be one of his Kingsguard, and Cowardly Lion beefing up for the final plays. However the game MVP goes to a member of the losing Grenades team, Cosmo Kramer, for his amazing ability to slip around Clifford for the entire game it seemed like. 

Final: RPG 40 - SHP 46