Eels vs. Aberrations

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

TWO UNDEFEATED TEAMS ENTER.
ONLY ONE LEAVES.

Coin Toss: The Aberrations win, and will receive.

Kickoff: Jesus kicks for a pickup by Parallax who instantly disappears and is removed from having ever existed when Samwise uses the Green Lantern ring from earlier in the season to focus his boundless and will and love for Mr. Frodo into assisting Carol Ferris in shutting down Parallax's power, but with the mental strength of Professor X and River assisting the bolstered strength of Love is sent through the kick of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who himself has an infinite capacity of love to create the ultimate power of Love, obliterating the creature. The fumbled ball is picked up by Iron Fist, who manages a large gain before being taken down by Hooper and her friends the Xtacles, who have came to the game from the Crows as the result of an earlier trade in the season.

1st Quarter: The Aberrations come back strong. The drained Carol Ferris on the sidelines and Atrocious' rage is infinite after the destruction of Parallax. The team meets their first real defensive might when they come up against Hooper and the Xtacles. The team creates a shotgun formation forcing Hooper into tight quarters, where Donatello manages to slip off the sidelines and disable her arm. An initial attempt to utilize this arm results in an error, but a second attempt proves deadly to the Eels: Donatello activates the self destruct in every Xtacles helmet, leaving only Hooper and the Aberrations use this time to get around and score. Donatello is blackflagged from the bench and game. The Eels manage to block the attempt and take the possession but it turns bad when Atrocious uses his rage to scare off Carol from the sideline which causes her to false start several times. Finally The Penquin figures out what is going on and informs Aquaman, who pulls her from play. Lobo focuses on the quarterback, which allows the Eels to gain a touchdown - but Aquaman is sacked in the process and at this point Lobo slips the glove off of his hand to reveal The Thirst - taken from former Crow and now deceased Sinestro who got it from Aquaman earlier in the season. This messes with the hero quite a bit, and the neverending taunting of Luke Cage and Iron Fist about how he gave away his power to heal and it was used to hurt people damages the psyche of Arthur Curry. The conversion fails. 

2nd Quarter: The Aberrations come back again this time against a defense of a buffed up Bean. Bean manages to slow the team down but the Magnetic Fastball now includes Cage and Fist who manage the Grab & Smash & Slash so the team makes it to the endzone. The loaned Falkor succeeds on a kick for the Aberrations, gladly helping score against the team that caused his death once. The Eels recuperate fast when Christ succeeds on a 1d4 roll to grant his entire team +1 for the game. Jesus hears from River what Lobo will be doing on defense and embraces him and summons the power of his own Ark, melting Lobo's face and banishing them both to Purgatory as Lobo can not enter the afterlife. The Eels score.  With their kicker in purgatory, the Eels bring out current defense Bean who decides on a conversion. The Aberrations field Bender in Lobo's place who manages to prevent the conversion. 

3rd Quarter: Regaining possession, the Aberrations meet an even more beefed up Bean on the field. Though Bean can easily catch and stop the carriers, these are carriers who you don't always want to necessarily cuddle with. Wolverine/Iron Fist/Luke Cage hurt Bean before he becomes too OP, and manage a touchdown - though the kick attempt actually fails and the team remembers why they miss Squirrel Girl. The Medic goes out of play while the Eels gain carry and works to heal Bean. During this time, the Eels forced Bender to go down thanks to Clinton which allows them to score. But without their kicker, the team relies on a conversion attempt that fails. 

4th Quarter: The Aberrations come out and mean business. Demoman purposely loads a fake football and sleight of hands the ball to Wolverine who runs on the outside for a touchdown. He is not caught by the fully restored and buffed Bean thanks to the fake ball being full of the detonation gum from the Eels, which slows him down and sticks him in place. But Bean blocks the conversion and the Eels regain possession. The Eels get around Bender for a touchdown and without their kicker Jesus and with several failed conversion attempts Aquaman decides to try his luck at kicking. But way earlier when Lobo was still in he laid The Thirst on him, and that little bit of doubt and pain in Aquaman trips him up. The 32 yard field goal misses. 

Final: GBSE 24 - AA 25

Season 3 Week 9

BROWNCOATS vs ABERRATIONS
Aberrations outsmart the Browncoats 43 - 27

MIA vs IMPALERS

The MIA show why they're the Fastest Team Alive - ranking up a high score of 89 - 34

EELS vs LEVIATHANS
A passing game back and forth ends when the Leviathans have too many players blackflagged for injury, allowing the Eels to win as the current points leader at 21 - 14

MILITANTS vs SENTINELS
In the second upset of the week, the winless Sentinels break their bad luck streak on the backs of the Militants 32 - 27, mostly as a result of the Militants having several starters injured early on.

PANDAS vs CROWS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Buzzsaw kicks for a pickup by Indiana Jones, who manages a decent gain before being taken down by Wonder Woman.
Game Synopsis: The first quarter of the game sees the Crows gain a considerable lead, as the Panda defense can't even touch their offensive line. Jax Teller comes in during the first quarter replacing King Kong as defense for one play. This gives the Pandas basically a free touchdown but during the play Jax injures Fred Flintstone, putting him out for the game. Kong returns to defense after this. Things finally turn darker for the Crows when Neil Patrick Harris manages to seduce Wonder Woman away from the Crows. Kong is deflated and upset and not quite as potent as he previously was, though still stronger than the Panda defense. The Pandas restructure their line. During the second quarter the sexual harrassers manage a few touchdowns and cycle through several bench players. Thunderbird replaces the dejected Kong for a play and ends up injuring Ambush Bug. However the Pandas manage to utilize Kirk to counteract the efficiency of The Doctor. During the second half, Jax returns for a play and injures Cowardly Lion before he gains the courage to fight back. The Pandas turn Wonder Woman against her former teammates and manage to get the truth of their playbook out of them, allowing them to return score. In the end it comes down to raw stats as the slightly superior Kong defense and the fourth quarter injection of Neville without the Pandas own Lion to counteract gives them the upperhand.

After the game the Crows are seen cussing out their newest recruit The War Doctor for allowing Kirk to get into his head.

Final: SHP 39 - CC 41

GRENADES vs AUTOMATONSThe Atlus boys continue a streak of refined gameplay when they pummel the Automatons 38 - 21

Season 3, Week 8

Commissioner's Note: Due to lack of strategies being sent in, and thus lack of plentiful writeups - coupled with finals week, this week will be one quick post with highlights.

GAME ONE:

Aberrations beat Impalers 48 - 21
Highlights: A new player
“As the Aberrations take the field, a new creature comes with them.  It seems to be a giant insect of some sort, complete with huge mandibles and long forearms, with 4 very strong, shorter, human arms attached to the torso.  As the Abberations lineup is announced, they call it “Umber Goro”, and seem to have it playing…kicker…”

Ousa is resurrected from death last week by Jozan. The Aberrations re-kill Falkor.
GAME TWO:

The Eels test their streak with a slight win in triple overtime over the MIA - 121 to 118

GAME THREE:
Grenades win 28 - 21
Grenades win in the third quarter when neither team can field a full team and they are already in the lead.

GAME FOUR:

Browncoats win 33 - 17

Browncoats use the rules of the game and see the Leviathans get blackflagged until they can't field a full team and forfeit.

GAME FIVE:

Pandas win 13 - 6

GAME SIX:

Crows win 40 - 33
HORCRUX/RIDDLE UPDATE:
Following up on the dual clues last week, RIDDLE was able to deduce that the next two targets are Pinhead's Lament Configuration puzzle box and the Holocaust Cloak hanging in the Eels trophy room. As of now, the coalition has not come up with a strategy to destroy either item.

Aberrations vs Crows

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE CHARMING CROWS

Flashback to November 11th, 2013: In the aftermath of the game that saw Sinestro lose his hand

and ring when RIDDLE took the first horcrux, Sinestro visited the Eels. He sought out their quarterback, Aquaman - upset that he had allowed his teammate to hide such an item on him

without his consent. The two made a deal that will not be fully disclosed here, and Sinestro was seen on the sidelines looking different and holding his hand (as mentioned in that following Crow game synopsis). Here, Sinestro will finally use his end of the deal.

Flashback to November 27th, 2013:

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long for a pickup by Goro, who makes a large gain before The Lone Ranger takes him down. 

First Half: The Asgardians start strong with a quick touchdown play Magnetic fastball. Uncle Sam quickly suggests that King Kong come over to play for his boys, and the great ape does just that. Sauron and the Nazgul come out to replace Kong, while Kong enters play for the Aberrations offense. The Crows get the ball and Cullen distracts Bender while Sonic runs the touchdown. Squirrel Girl attempts to gain Batman's attention but fails. The Aberrations come back into play, and before the Sauron/Nazgul team enter the Crows decide to put Sinestro on the defensive line. At this point the former quarterback removes his glove to showcase a reforged hand made of what appears to be entirely water. The Aberrations manage an easy touchdown when Sinestro ignores the play completely and tackles Demoman and latches his hand around him in a fit of anger beginning The Thirst. The team reforms but Demoman looks like a husk of his former self, and Sinestro looks overly pleased. During the conversion attempt, Demoman calls a QB sneak but actually purposely fumbles the ball to Sinestro, who returns it for a touchdown before the Aberration offense realizes what happened. The refs spend time with their rule book over dead plays and interceptions during conversion attempts, but rule the fumble allowed the play to remain live. This begins a series of plays where the Aberrations easily touchdown, but Sinestro systematically puts the Thirst onto new players and controls their husk and uses the hands portal to the watery dimension to bring out space dolphins that keep Lobo entertained, getting return touchdowns during the conversions, keeping the score tied. Finally Sinestro leaves the defense when the Thirst has been placed on Demoman, Drizz't, Goro, Uncle Sam, and Squirrel Girl. The second quarter sees the Crows pull ahead by over 40 points as they get touchdown followed by a Sinestro-controlled interception or fumble and the Aberrations sit pointless.
Second Half: Having a bit of time to figure things out, Lobo is pissed. More so than normal. So is Wolverine. And Vash. In a series of three plays, all three are black flagged from playing but Sinestro is knocked unconscious during a brawl and loses control of the husks.  However during the brawl Sinestro turned the Thirst on heavily and kills those husks. From the bench Jozan resurrects Demoman, and Ouka takes the death of Uncle Sam, leaving only Goro, Squirrel Girl, and Drizz't dead. Seeing this, Lobo and Wolverine kill Sinestro outright. The Aberrations come back strong, as Batman leaves his post when his players kill. Jax Teller comes out to QB for the Crows before being immediately injured by Lobo, then Neville comes out. Neville manages to keep the Crows in the end zone a couple times, but the pissed off might of the Aberrations coupled with King Kong playing for them sees them close the gap quickly. A final kick to the Crows for a pickup by Cullen who steps out only to be forcibly sent back into the endzone and tackled is what finally puts the Aberrations back in the lead and saves them from an upset. 

Final: AA 83 - CC 78

R.I.P.

Now a free agent
Will not work with a team that kills

Aberrations vs. Militants

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

Coin Toss: Militants win, will receive.

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks for a pick up by Rick Decard, for a short gain.

Game Synopsis: This game devolves into a brutal slamfest when Uncle Sam brings Shredder over to the Aberrations side, greatly damaging the effectiveness of the Militant defensive line. The score quickly begins to get away from the Militants and then, to add insult to injury, in the fourth quarter we get a renewed adult Simba and Super Shredder who manage to kill so many members of the foot clan that the game has to be called so that the Militants can spend a week recruiting new foot clan members. 

Final: AA 87 - MOO 21

Leviathans vs Aberrations

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Wulfgar kicks long to Drizz't, who is tackled for a small gain by Smaug. 

First Half: Wolverine and Parallax manage a quick march down field for a touchdown, easily avoiding the Urak-Hai defense of the Leviathans (and sometimes not avoiding them, loving a good fight). However the Leviathans actually manage to block short passes and sneaks and even the conversion, having a very good and very injury-filled game on the line of scrimmage. But once past the line, the Aberrations tend to have a clear field. The Leviathans come back out to carry and stick to a pretty similar game plan, utilizing Smaug and Throttle to outrun Lobo. This exchange takes up most of the first half, with the scoreboard climbing high but the teams staying close. 

2nd Half: Things begin to get tricky when Uncle Sam approaches and convinces Smaug that he is on the wrong side. Smaug comes out wearing Aberration colors and joins the team, replacing Wolverine (who is thankful for the smoke break anyway). The Leviathans feel the hurt even more when Throttle falls for the adorable Squirrel Girl and takes himself out of play. Most of the Leviathans take to fighting hard trying to injure the Aberrations, but Lobo can't be injured so all they end up doing is slowly getting each of their starters pulled from the game until they can't field a full lineup. The Aberrations spend the time before this moment to pull away on the scoreboard. 

Final: IL 36 - AA 54

Sentinels vs. Aberrations

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

Coin Toss: Han always goes first. The Sentinels will receive.

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks and the ball is picked up by Ana Steele, who carries long avoiding a seemingly careful Lobo to manage a return touchdown. 

1st Quarter: The Aberration offense makes up fast when Demo launches long to Wolverine who outruns the Joes and is propelled forward by Magneto. The conversion is successful. Retaking the offense, the Cybertrons are not willing to lose their momentum and He-Man summons Battle Cat for an easy touchdown followed by an easy extra point kick. Demoman and the boys come back out and begin a series of quick runs with Goro followed by a first down 30 yard rush when Drizzt jumps over the Joe defensive line. During this play Bender attempts to steal Conan's sword but Conan manages to prevent him from doing so. The Aberrations finish the quarter by finishing their drive and succeeding on the conversion. 

2nd Quarter: Engineer from the bench sends in a built spare lineman for the Sentinels. This walking sentry begins to really piss off Lobo, who manages to destroy it on the third play. However while predisposed doing so the Sentinels manage a touchdown thanks to Red Sonja. Han manages the conversion when Lando fakes carrying to distract. Trailing a bit, the Aberrations come back strong. Uncle Sam convinces Han to come over to his side, while Parallax scares Boba Fett right off the field. With two starters gone, the Cybertrons bring in Halaster and Megatron to fill the void. During this drive the Aberrations score. 

2nd Half: Halastar takes the half time to lay traps all around the field, but Lobo seems to be immune when he continuously sets them off. Megatron fumbles and Lobo picks up and carries it home. This turnover begins a drive by the Aberrations who pull away from the Cybertrons who only manage to score one more time.

Final: CS 28 - AA 56

Aberrations vs. Grenades

THE ASGARD ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

Coin Toss: Grenades win, will receive

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks lightly to Luke Skywalker, who makes a large gain and manages to avoid a tackle from Wolverine (by using his lightsaber to superheat his skeletal system and send him into a fit of massive pain, receiving a sith point) but is eventually taken down by Uncle Sam and Goro.

1st Quarter: Samurai Jack manages to avoid a penalty when he uses European Football kicks for a lateral pass by discussing his superior knowledge of the rules of the game. The pass is ruled legal, which sets the Grenades for a 1st and Goal. Jack's ability to avoid the penalty doesn't go unnoticed by Lobo, who checks him hard. During the play Morris stopped time to rearrange the field and allow the Grenades to get into the end zone, but unbeknownst to him by doing so he set up the tackle that Lobo was preparing for Samurai Jack to be even worse. Nearly crippled, Samurai Jack is escorted off the field and replaced by Brienne of Tarth. But the Grenades score. As the Grenades offense leaves the field and the Aberrations come in, Spider Jerusalem manages to get the upper hand and destroys Drizzt's Twinkle sword, negating its effects until it can be repaired by a blacksmith or mechanic character. Extremely pissed off, the Aberrations take out their frustrations on The Funky Bunch. Demoman grenade launches and injures a couple of their members, while Magneto and an-especially-pissed-off-Wolverine fastball to the end zone. The conversion is good and possession changes back to the Grenades. An especially-aggravated-Lobo gets even more Lobo-y pissed when Skywalker predicts his movements and manages to slip by and outrun him for a return touchdown. He brings out the chains in an attempt to prevent the erratic Cosmo from making the conversion and is successful in doing so. Demoman and the Abberations come back out, and the quarter ends with them at 2nd and 8. 

2nd Quarter: In an interesting twist, benchmate Holmes predicts the play and Demoman loads another grenade. Slipping the ball to the outside with Drizzt he launches to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch but loads up the grenade with cocaine for shits and giggles. Though fun in the idea stage, Demoman might not have been aware of Marky Mark's past and unknowingly just created SuperMarkyMark and the SuperFunky Bunch. Drizzt manages the touchdown, but then Walter says fuck that shit and undoes the Grenade Launcher kink usage which takes away the touchdown, though it can't undo time and the coked our Funky Bunch are still around.  In all this mix, Uncle Sam manages to sway Beorn to the Aberrations side, but has him stay on their bench for the time being. The Aberrations use Vash who drops his act and bypasses the coked out Grenade defensive line since they ignored him thinking he was stupid, managing to regain the touchdown. But the team can't get by the coked out boston boys. The Grenades regain possession moments before the half. 

3rd Quarter: Starting strong, the Grenades use Morris again and manage to bypass Lobo for a touchdown. Skywalker predicts Lobo's moves again and helps his team to get the two point conversion. The Aberrations take control and rely on a simple running game of "short pass to Goro and let him go as far as he can before being tackled" over and over until close to the goal line. Then they mix it up with the fastball but - oh my, Wovlerine is caught in midair by coked out Marky Mark who saw him coming, fumbling the ball but being shredded to bits by the extremely-pissed-for-even-himself Wolverine. The ball is picked up by one of the members of the Funky Bunch who begins raping and carrying but Drizzt stops him with his sword Icingdeath (it nixes fire, and the funky bunch was "spittin fire"). Drizzt manages to regain possession and return the touchdown. Squirrel Girl goes for the safe kick route and succeeds, looking adorable while doing so. 

4th Quarter: Down by 1, the Grenades call on their benchmate Aang who manages to buff up and enter play. Spider and Aang manage to evade the pissed off Lobo for a touchdown and Aang succeeds on the conversion. The Aberrations gain the ball and are joined by benchmate Simba and newfound ally Beorn, who tear through the few remaining Funky Bunchers who are starting to sober up. This quarter becomes a terrifying back and forth of return touchdowns and conversions, keeping the lead passing from one team to the next. Finally, the winner is decided when time runs out before the Grenades can get a chance to return. 

Final: AA 52 - RPG 51

RIP
"Marky" Mark Wahlberg
1971 - 2013

Pandas vs. Aberrations

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

*this game was reran after a roster error on the commissioners end*

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive

Kickoff: Korben Dallas kicks to Goro, who makes a large gain before Clifford brings him down at the 30. 

Game Synopsis: We have a good game where the Pandas and the Aberrations utilize their players and their abilities in the smartest ways possible. Hannibal uses all of his line as jacks-of-all-trades, and Marty breaks through the Aberration defense several times. Yet in the end the intelligence of their owners and managers can't overcome sheer statistical onslaught, as the Aberrations manage to take the Pandas.  

Final: SHP 42 - AA 44

Aberrations vs. MIA

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN M.I.A.

Coin Toss: MIA win, will receive

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks to Aragorn and immediately her quirky beauty stuns the ranger, who then immediately is convinced by Uncle Sam to spend some time with the Aberrations. Aragorn steps out of the end zone after catching the ball only to step back into it and kneel, giving the Aberrations two points.

1st Quarter: The odd start is shaken off as Aragorn is escorted off the field and replaced by Speed Racer. The Flash relies heavily on a running game and keeps Lobo busy, allowing a slow-but-steedy march of downs. Gray Mouser ends up inexplicably slipping by Lobo for a 18 yard touchdown giving the MIA the lead. Arthur takes to the air to go over Lobo for the conversion. The slow march of the MIA waste most of the quarter's time, so time runs out after the Aberrations gain possession.

2nd Quarter: The Animaniacs use their ability to soften the tactical might of Demoman. The already erratic quarterback then decides that the best course of action is to blow some shit up. A shotgun formation leads to Demoman launching a long pass that is intercepted by Dot Warner - but OH NO, its not the football. Its a grenade. As the crowd cries and Yakko and Wakko dive to take cover from bits of Dot, they fail to notice that the ball was actually sleight-of-handed to Drizz't who took to the outside and is in the endzone for a touchdown. The remaining animaniacs, still reeling, can't stop Drizz't from successfully completing the conversion. The MIA take the carry with plenty of time on the clock and the offense is already sporting black armbands. Legolas and The Flash work hand in hand to continue to fight a dual-forked running game that keeps Lobo guessing. Moving at a much faster pace, Legolas finally enters the endzone. Arthur fails at the kick, much to the dismay of everyone. The Aberrations gain possession and make a strong push before the halftime.

3rd Quarter: The second half starts with the Aberrations in control near their own 45. Not content to settle with just murder, the Aberrations take the running game style of the MIA and turn it against them with their magnetic fastball. Demoman keeps handing the ball over to Wolverine who is pushed forward by teammate Magneto from the bench for a first down every single play. Logan takes the easy touchdown and Squirrel Girl succeeds on the kick. The MIA take back the ball for a long haul. Gorilla Grodd takes to having a personal fight with Lobo that doesn't hurt him but makes Grodd feel better and keeps Lobo busy. This allows Scout to make a quick 80 yard touchdown. Starscream helps Arthur land the kick this time. The Aberrations quickly land another touchdown thanks to their magnetic fastballs. The conversion is good. The quarter ends with the MIA carrying at their own 20. 

4th Quarter: Wakko and Yakko get a little bit of vengeance for their lost sister when they trick Magneto into pulling a sledgehammer full speed into himself on the Aberrations bench while they are sitting on the MIA bench. This gives the MIA a penalty and pushes them back 5, but Scout and gang manage to still make the touchdown after a few minutes of driving downfield. With Magneto knocked out, Wolverine can't rely on the overly-easy fastball but the team is still strong. A strong Simba comes in from the bench and Drizz't takes a ride on the returned king to the endzone. During this series of plays Donatello slips to the Aberrations bench and reprograms Starscream so he can no longer aid his teammates. The weakened MIA begin a long drive that takes up most of the time on the clock until Lobo manages to intercept a throw to the weakened Starscream when the benched Sherlock Holmes tells him what play is about to run. With the carry and seconds left,  Vash the Stampede finally drops his stupidity act and runs a touchdown for the solid win. The conversion is good. 

R.I.P.
Dot Warner
1993 - 2013

Results: AA 34 - AMIA 30

Aberrations vs. Automatons

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Mithril Automatons

@ A remote desert in Southern Afghanistan

Paragon Percentage: Due to a pre-existing agreement between both parties, both teams will have their paragons in play. The Automatons bring out Sailor Moon, while the Aberrations - lacking in a paragon (Batman has been psuedo-reincarnated by a Mindflayer as the newly named Blrrtman, but is not as his full capacity) have had Batman's old friend Nightwing come out to support them in this role for one week. However, due to the roster limitations, Nightwing will wait in the...wait for it....wings...until a slot opens up. Sailor Moon agrees not to take over the QB or Defensive major roles as a token for his wait.

Coin Toss: Automatons win, will receive.

Kickoff: Donatello kicks to midfield where Kirby catches, driving center before being tackled by Brienne of Tarth.

First: Moments into the game, Blackbeard points to the sidelines and uses his kink to take over the kink of Lobo. Now impossible to injure, the team begins to make headway with the help of Sailor Moon. Relying heavily on a running game, the Automatons make headway against the now not-so-daring Lobo defense. Sure enough, a few moments in Lobo is injured. Ouka takes over that injury and backs out of the game, while Nightwing now enters and has Lobo step the fuck aside. Simba also steps out to aid the removal of his injured ally. During all this, the Automatons manage to secure a touchdown and conversion. Possesion changes and the Aberrations begin to fight back. Blrrtman shows his newfound kink by using some of the abilities stolen from injured opponents whose brains he munched on during his off weeks. The possession does not last nearly as long as the Aberrations rely on a passing game with Hawkeye passing off to Goro. The Army of the Undead, though unlimited, are semi-easily though slowly cleared out of the way by the very-familiar-to-this-situation Legolas with help from Venom and Brienne. However the sheer numbers do prevent small gains, which prevents a conversion.

Second: Shang Tsung pulls a sideline suckup and steals Donatello's kink, using it to reprogram GIR against the Aberrations. The Automatons find a much slower path to the endzone with Nightwing handling the Aberration defense. Eventually Iskandar pulls out his Chariot and manages to get by, but Nightwing's aerial prowess sees him easily block the kick. The Aberrations hit the field hard but see two penalties for extra men on the field until realizing that something is wrong with the supposed-to-be-benched GIR. With GIR removed to the lockers, the team starts at a third and long. Hawkeye manages to pull the team back into a first down with his passing, and the team again slowly slugs their way through the army and finally enter the end zone. The slow march takes up most of the quarter. This time Venom and Brienne make a wall in front of Legolas and allow him to make the conversion. At half time, the score is tied.

Third: The Aberrations take the field with Simba back, and the Automatons prepare for their carry. In a harsh play, Iskandar is injured while a somehow randomly Amazing Zapp maneuvers around Nightwing for a 81 yard touchdown. Iskandar is removed from play but Kirby manages to secure his abilities and keep the stone so that the Army of the Undead still fight for the Automatons. Professor Layton takes over QB duties for Mithril. With strong kinked-up players on both sides, we see a very gridlocked quarter mostly. No points are scored, though we do see a failed attempt at a seduction. Brienne is just damn near immune to the charms of men. The Aberrations do manage to force through the army for a touchdown but do not manage the try. Again we see the score tied at the end of a quarter.

Fourth: The Aberrations put the trust Lion duo of Simba and .... Lion (lets say his real name is... Lionel?) into play. With the .... mane attractions ... in play the Aberrations finally begin to pick up the pace after their delays due to kinks. Blrrtman and the duo aid the team in more effectively tearing through the army. As a result the Aberrations manage an extra carry and touchdown this quarter, giving them the win by a [lion's] hair.

Result: AA 32 - MA 26

Aberrations vs Spartans

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Requiem Spartans

@ The Singasteinn Superdome

Paragon Percentage: Neither paragon will enter play*

[*the Spartans spend an MVPoint to bring their paragon into play. Raiden will enter play.]

Coin Toss: Spartans win, will receive.
Kickoff: GIR kicks to King Kong, who avoids Venom but is taken down after a long gain by Brienne.
First: The two teams gridlock early on with the strong defense of Lobo and Raiden respectively. The long exchange of carries is finally broken when Legolas lands a touchdown. The try fails and in the final seconds of the quarter Spy sneaks by and lands a touchdown as well.
Second: Starting slow like the first, the Aberrations remove GIR and Donatello from play briefly. The teams lock down until [*the Spartans spend an MVPoint to raise Lara Croft's seduction ability.] Lara Croft seduces Lobo to leave the Aberrations. This forces Cowardly Lion out early who is injured. Ouka Hayasaka takes over the injury for the Cowardly Lion and Simba begins to plot vengeance. During this fray the Spartans do manage to rally for a lead of three touchdowns.
Third: The half returns and the Aberrations bring back a reprogramed fully functional GIR thanks to Donatello, who also returns. The Aberrations begin a full attack but the powerful defense of Raiden becomes a problem. Hawkeye and Green Arrow find themselves extremely less effective with their rival against them. Brienne of Tarth takes a chance on the sideline and injures King Kong who was out of play while the Spartan defense was in. Brienne is not kicked out thanks to Vash feigning and drawing attention away from the incident.  In the final moments the Aberrations call to the bench for a player to renew their defensive line when a not-so-familiar face walks from the entrance hall

...oh god.  Its the illithid-led shambling corpse now known as Blrrtman. However, what is this? [*having prepared for such possibilities, the Spartans have spent another (their last) MVPoint to protect the field.] Some unknown spell is protecting the field. It looks like Blrrtman's return will not happen today.

Fourth: With their defensive backup gone, the Aberrations rework things and bring out the no-longer-Cowardly Lion. With a revived team buffed to the hilt, the Aberrations finally begin to rally. Forcing Raiden onto offense with the Spartans line increasingly injured by Brave Lion, the Aberrations are able to score a run of touchdowns. The Spartans have the ball with seconds left but can't make the 60+ field goal. This brings the game into...
Overtime: The Aberrations gain first carry but Hawkeye's inability to perform against Green Arrow's defensive pals slows their gains. Legolas breaks away to almost end it all but is surprisingly brought down by Bebop and Rocksteady in the back field. This leads Raiden to head back to defense to prevent a touchdown. The Spartans gain possession on their own 3 yard line, forcing Green Arrow back. Lion makes it around for a safety sack.

Result: AA 26 - RS 24

Dragons vs Aberrations

The Westeros Three-Headed Dragons

vs.

The Asgardian Aberrations

@ The Dragon Pit

 Paragon Percentage: No paragon will enter play

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Admiral Abstinence kicks off to Brienne of Tarth, who squares off against Gregor Clegane and is taken down after a short gain.

Entire Game Synopsis: The Aberrations manage to pull ahead and stay ahead fairly early on. Lobo manages to hold back most of the Dragons attempts, while the Asgardians easily bypass the Dragon defense. Highlights include Gregor Clegane being thrown out but no ref going near him to actually throw him out, and Goro stealing Dragonite Charles Barkley's special move.

Result: WTHD 17 - AA 56



Aberrations vs Browncoats

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs

The Big Damn Browncoats

@ Serenity Valley Stadium

 Paragon Percentage: River Tam will enter play.

Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive.

Kick off: GIR kicks to Frozone, who outruns Lobo for an immediate touchdown.

First: With River on defense, the two teams gridlock early in the game. Lobo manages to easily block the few who can outrun, while River manages to keep Hawkeye from having open men. Finally a lateral play with Legolas allows the Aberrations to even the scoreboard. But this is quickly bypassed when Dovahkiin uses his Thu'um to incapacitate Lobo, and the Browncoats score again.

Second: Gromph takes out Lobo for a play allowing Frog to score, but the temporary effect wears off and Lobo is back. Donatello also returns to play after taking time to repair GIR. Again a Thu'um sends Lobo away so the Browncoats can hit the endzone. Trailing, the Aberrations receive a literal break when Brienne gets a lucky strike on River, sending the paragon out of play.

Second Half: The phenomenally strong start of the Browncoats fades away without the strong defense offered by River. A few kink and tricks keep them hitting the endzone a couple times, but the Aberrations have enough time to catch up and take over the lead.

Result: AA 41 - BDB 36

Aberrations vs Sentinels

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Cybertron Sentinels

@ The Singasteinn Superdome

 Paragon Percentage: Neither paragon enters play. I mean, Batman would....but....yeah...you know.

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Megaman launches long to Goro, who avoids He-Man before Beorn takes him down after a gain.

Entire Game Synopsis: The Aberrations manage to cripple the Sentinels, with their rally gaining steam as Donatello methodically reprograms the machines working for the Sentinels to work for the Aberrations. By the end of the game only Optimus has remained loyal and fought the reprogramming, but he is horribly outnumbered.

Result: AA 61 - CS 18

Aberrations vs. Mashers

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Margathean Mashers

@ Wayne Memorial Stadium

The Gotham Knights graciously agreed to host tonight's game so that the Aberrations would not have long travel the night before after attending the Bruce Wayne/Batman funeral. Mr. Wayne died a brutal death during the Aberrations last game at the hands of Mann Co. employee Turin Turambar. In remembrance, they have altered their jerseys and helmets this week.

Paragon Percentage: Batman will enter pl....ehhh, no he won't. Ooops.

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Ford Prefect kicks to the midfield where after a scramble Goro picks it up, leading a large charge and dodging three tackle attempts to enter the end zone.

First: Skeletor attempts a few running plays to get around Lobo before realizing that its rarely possible with the carriers he has in play. On the fourth he brings out Ford for a kick just to give his defense a chance. The Aberration offense takes the field. A shrouded figure can be seen in their entry hall but can not be made out clearly. Donatello leaves the field and begins working on GIR on the sidelines. Hawkeye lands a pass to Goro who is severly injured by the Warriors as he marches through them. He scores, and Ouka takes his injuries over. Simba, seeing the injured Ouka, leaves the bench and heads to the back. A completely changed GIR comes out for the kick and nails it.

Second:  Skeletor and Panthor have Neil use his charms to wink at the sideline, seducing X-23. Space Ghost tries to laser beam Lobo which just serves to humor him. However the outnumbering with Panthor allows them to simply maneuver around Lobo finally once when they learn to perform that trick. Panthor scores for the Mashers, but Lobo is wisened to the scheme and the try fails.

Third: Brienne injures Trillian and Skeletor in one play, and is replaced by a returned Simba who looks renewed. He lines up for the same team that Aslan did a year ago, and many fans have signage that includes what appears to be a mindflayer-inflicted lion. The team pulls the 'Crime Alley Blitz' with Simba dropping back defended by Goro and Venom, who take the fall and allow Simba to excel himself over their tackled momentum and into a life of vengeancethe endzone. Cheech and Chong come in for the Mashers but may be too high to care, and Zaphod seems even crazier without Trillian around. In an odd twist, a depressing Marvin is talking on the sidelines to Donatello is trying to fix him. It works, but not before Don is made so sad he quits the game - resulting in a happy more improved Marvin who isn't reprogrammed fully and continused to play for the Mashers. He gets a touchdown when Lobo doesn't realize that he isn't going to do what hes done the whole game - sit and sulk.

Fourth: The Cowardly Lion finally has the courage and self-confidence to enter play, taking over for Venom who fills in Donatello's former spot. Along with Simba, this prideful offensive line dominates the Mashers - pulling away and cementing their victory in memory of Batman. However, the Mashers get an odd touchdown with seconds left when out-of-nowhere The Hulk and Ellen Ripley crash through the side of Wayne Memorial Stadium and Simba to fumble when they roll over the team, allowing the Mashers to pick up the ball and score. The event is so bizarre the refs aren't sure how to rule on it, but they let the Mashers keep the TD since they were trailing so far.

Result: AA 47 - MM 18

Aberrations vs. Hippie Punchers

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Mann Co. Hippie Punchers

@ The Singasteinn Superdome

Paragon Percentage: Ellen Ripley and The Goddamned Batman will be entering the game.

Coin Toss: Hippie Punchers win, will receive

(The Hippie Punchers being escorted to the arena)

Kickoff: GIR does a light kick that Turin picks up after a brief scramble. Turin shakes off Legolas but is tackled by Venom after a large gain.

First Quarter: Ripley and Hammer manage a combo that gets around Lobo on the third down and score the first touchdown of the game and Ripley follows that with a fake pass conversion. Gaining possession, the Aberrations look to fight back with Batman and Legolas outrunning War Machine for another third down touchdown and conversion. This back-and-forth possession scoring sequence stays on target for the first round as the teams get into a groove, ending with a tied score. But such peace was not meant to last.

Second Quarter: Starting much like the first quarter, the two teams strict to good solid football and both score. Finallythe Aberrations catch a break when Brienne manages to injure War Machine, who returns the favor in his final seconds. The two are removed and Turin heads to the defense for the Punchers while Casey Jones takes over his offensive position. Ouka walks in and heals Brienne of her wounds, taking them upon herself. The game continues and the Aberrations manage to pull slightly ahead as Turin gets into the groove of defense.

Third Quarter: Ripley brings the Punchers back up to score with a third and long kick by Pyro, overtaking the Aberrations by one point. Batman comes in and performs a shotgun play but is halted after a short gain by Turin. After a moment the crowd and teams realize that neight of them are getting up. Medics (not Medic, he would be no help here) are called and both are declared dead on the scene. Turin sacrificed himself for a fatal stab wound to Batman. The Aberrations are stunned. Hawkeye steps in for the dearly departed while Ripley moves to defense, handing QB duties for the Punchers back to Batman's old friend Jim Gordon. Who knew his weak spots.

Fourth Quarter: The fourth and final quarter comes over a somber crowd and the Aberrations have possession. A fixed GIR (thanks to Donatello) tries to cheer up his teammates but they are determined to avenge the dead. Hawkeye launches to Goro who never fumbles and takes over the lead with a long touchdown run. Ripley prevents the try and the Hippie Punchers regain possession. The normal plan for the HPs is to just injure everyone in the fourth round as their lineup includes several players with 100% injury chance by then. However, the Aberrations are fielding Lobo for defense and he can't be injured. After a couple unsuccessful attempts at injuring, the Hippie Punchers call a timeout and bring Ripley back out for offense as well. She relies on the faster-than-Lobo Carnage to land a touchdown and attempts another conversion but is thwarted by Lobo. Gaining possession, Vash (who has been pretending to be stupid the whole game) shows his full skills and easily gets by the by-now warn out Ripley who is playing both offense and defense. The Aberrations take the lead again but the try fails as Ripley is onto Vash by then.  The last few seconds of play find the Hippie Punchers with possesion. Concentrated efforts see a second down pass play to Carnage for a touchdown granting them the win by one point. Possession won this game.

Result: AA 60 - MCHP 61

SECOND AND THIRD DEATHS OF THE SEASON
RIP: Mister The Goddamned Batman and Turin Turambar

Slayers vs. Aberrations

The Sunnydale Slayers vs. The Asgardian Aberrations

@ The Wolfram & Hart Community Center 

Paragon Percentage: Neither paragon will enter play
Coin Toss: Slayers win, will receive.
Kick Off: GIR kicks the ball into play and Tony the Tiger receives but is brought down by Brienne of Tarth with barely any advance made.
First Quarter: In a horrible starting play for the Slayers, Buffy falls in love with Legolas and she defects to the Aberrations. The hits keep coming when Faith follows suit. With no cohesion Lobo manages to easily gain possession and score. A pissed-right-the-fuck-off Walter White and Raphael begin working together to get revenge, injuring the betrayers Faith and Buffy while sacrificing Tony to take out Lobo. Michelangelo replaces Tony while the Cowardly Lion comes out to try to fill Lobo's void. At the end of the quarter White manages to get a pass to Raphael to close the small gap a bit, but the try fails to produce a tie.
Second Quarter: The small counterattack of the betrayed Slayers takes a major hit when Venom injures Walter White. Venom is removed from play and replaced by X-23, while White is replaced by Mat Cauthon. Michelangelo attempts to improve his teams morale but the double betrayal and loss of White has them down. Raphael loses his shit and manages to take out X-23, and is then replaced by Rocko while Simba enters for X. The depressed Slayers can't stop a concessive onslaught from the Aberrations offensive line during the entire quarter, and the gap grows.
Third Quarter: The Aberrations finally make a costly mistake when Hawkeye injures Brisco, who manages to return the favor. The loss of Hawkeye's tactical mind is felt even more when he is replaced by Char Aznable. Just kidding. Hes basically just as good of a field commander. But Brisco is replaced by Mulder, who could care less at this point. In a probably bid to show that not all women are bitches, Danifae manages to score three touchdowns for teh Slayers before the Cowardly Lion works up the courage to block her. Her rally brings the team from far behind to a minor two point lead entering the final quarter.

Fourth Quarter: With Danifae having Lion's attention, the Slayers can't seem to put the ball into the hands of any of their benchwarmers who can get to the endzone. However, the Aberrations still have Legolas who manages to dash any hopes the Slayers have of winning with his consistent touchdowns.

Result: SS 24 - AA 41

Aberrations vs. Phoenixes

 The Planet Zeist Phoenixes vs The Asgardian Abberations
 @ The Gondor Gridiron

Coin Toss: Phoenixes win, will receive.
Kick Off: Megaman launches long, Spiderman catches, taken down by Aragorn at PZP35YL.
1st Quarter: The first quarter is a shut out as the Phoenixes try and fail to get around Grodd's defenses while the Aberrations rely on Aragorn who manages to bypass Optimus Prime consistently. Finally towards the end of the quarter Connor manages to realize Grodd's weakness and taunts him into ignoring the play and coming after him. Grodd brutally beats Connor to death and is removed from play, but Connor comes back to life for the next quarter. Though this removes the biggest roadblock to an even game, it comes extremely late as the Aberrations have pulled far ahead in the first quarter.
2nd Quarter: In a brutal first play, Wolverine correctly (we assume - he was probably just seeing if it would work) takes out Connor and Duncan by beheading. Though he is removed from play afterwards, and the distraction allowed the Phoenixes to score, it decimates their offensive team. Storm replaces Wolverine while the Phoenixes bring out Hellboy and Shredder. The lessened defensive effectiveness of both sides results in more scoring, with Aragorn consistently leading the running game while Spiderman and Jason Bourne tag off. The Comedian attempts to solve the team's troubles by taking out Aragorn, but learns that he will suffer his running game. The Comedian is injured and replaced by Dean Winchester, while Aragorn is only slightly injured but carries on.
3rd Quarter: Through an amazing lateral play, Jesus passes to Aragorn - who while slightly injured, decides its best to lateral to Barkley who laterals to Aslan who begisn taking over the running game for the Aberrations. Throughout the quarter, to make matters worse, Storm manages to injure out Hellboy, Shredder, Spiderman, and Bourne - who are replaced by Rocky Douglas, Madea, Zatch, and Optimus Prime is forced to play offense as well as the bench is empty.
4th Quarter: Outside a couple last ditch efforts to rally by Dean, the Phoenixes can't close the gap. Riddick and Dean do manage to take out Jesus and Aslan in the final moments, but its too late to turn the tide.

RESULTS: AA 81 - PZP 33