Season 3 Week 9

BROWNCOATS vs ABERRATIONS
Aberrations outsmart the Browncoats 43 - 27

MIA vs IMPALERS

The MIA show why they're the Fastest Team Alive - ranking up a high score of 89 - 34

EELS vs LEVIATHANS
A passing game back and forth ends when the Leviathans have too many players blackflagged for injury, allowing the Eels to win as the current points leader at 21 - 14

MILITANTS vs SENTINELS
In the second upset of the week, the winless Sentinels break their bad luck streak on the backs of the Militants 32 - 27, mostly as a result of the Militants having several starters injured early on.

PANDAS vs CROWS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Buzzsaw kicks for a pickup by Indiana Jones, who manages a decent gain before being taken down by Wonder Woman.
Game Synopsis: The first quarter of the game sees the Crows gain a considerable lead, as the Panda defense can't even touch their offensive line. Jax Teller comes in during the first quarter replacing King Kong as defense for one play. This gives the Pandas basically a free touchdown but during the play Jax injures Fred Flintstone, putting him out for the game. Kong returns to defense after this. Things finally turn darker for the Crows when Neil Patrick Harris manages to seduce Wonder Woman away from the Crows. Kong is deflated and upset and not quite as potent as he previously was, though still stronger than the Panda defense. The Pandas restructure their line. During the second quarter the sexual harrassers manage a few touchdowns and cycle through several bench players. Thunderbird replaces the dejected Kong for a play and ends up injuring Ambush Bug. However the Pandas manage to utilize Kirk to counteract the efficiency of The Doctor. During the second half, Jax returns for a play and injures Cowardly Lion before he gains the courage to fight back. The Pandas turn Wonder Woman against her former teammates and manage to get the truth of their playbook out of them, allowing them to return score. In the end it comes down to raw stats as the slightly superior Kong defense and the fourth quarter injection of Neville without the Pandas own Lion to counteract gives them the upperhand.

After the game the Crows are seen cussing out their newest recruit The War Doctor for allowing Kirk to get into his head.

Final: SHP 39 - CC 41

GRENADES vs AUTOMATONSThe Atlus boys continue a streak of refined gameplay when they pummel the Automatons 38 - 21

Season 3, Week 8

Commissioner's Note: Due to lack of strategies being sent in, and thus lack of plentiful writeups - coupled with finals week, this week will be one quick post with highlights.

GAME ONE:

Aberrations beat Impalers 48 - 21
Highlights: A new player
“As the Aberrations take the field, a new creature comes with them.  It seems to be a giant insect of some sort, complete with huge mandibles and long forearms, with 4 very strong, shorter, human arms attached to the torso.  As the Abberations lineup is announced, they call it “Umber Goro”, and seem to have it playing…kicker…”

Ousa is resurrected from death last week by Jozan. The Aberrations re-kill Falkor.
GAME TWO:

The Eels test their streak with a slight win in triple overtime over the MIA - 121 to 118

GAME THREE:
Grenades win 28 - 21
Grenades win in the third quarter when neither team can field a full team and they are already in the lead.

GAME FOUR:

Browncoats win 33 - 17

Browncoats use the rules of the game and see the Leviathans get blackflagged until they can't field a full team and forfeit.

GAME FIVE:

Pandas win 13 - 6

GAME SIX:

Crows win 40 - 33
HORCRUX/RIDDLE UPDATE:
Following up on the dual clues last week, RIDDLE was able to deduce that the next two targets are Pinhead's Lament Configuration puzzle box and the Holocaust Cloak hanging in the Eels trophy room. As of now, the coalition has not come up with a strategy to destroy either item.

Sentinels vs MIA

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN MIA

Coin Toss: Han helps the Sentinels shoot first (or in this case, receive)

Kickoff: Kamen Rider kicks for a pickup by Rocky, who makes a large gain before being taken down by Conan. 

Game Synopsis: The Sentinels can't seem to catch a break. Every week they seem to be working better as a team with a more united front, but keep being outmatched by some of the top ranked teams. This is what we see this week. The Sentinels play a sound game, but the MIA - coming off a rough week mourning several starters, are united in their effort for redemption. The Fastest Team Alive proves their worth. 

Final: CS 38 - MIA 56

Automatons vs Sentinels

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

vs

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: Solo helps the Sentinels receive first. 

Kickoff: Kong kicks for a pickup from by Steele who carries long before being taken down by Sailor Moon.

Game Synopsis: In a rare call, the referees require Sagara (who interfered in a match this week between to other players, see previous post) to not be playable this week. Already being on the bench, the Automatons are not immediately hurt. Tactically, the Automatons are much more refined than the Sentinels. But the big machine monster can outrun the Automatons with ease. Data helps keep the Automatons score in check, but they manage to keep just enough of a lead to win. 

Final: MA 32 - CS 27

Crows vs Sentinels

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: The Sentinels have Han who always shoots first, so they win and will receive.

Kickoff: Kamen Rider Ichigo kicks for a pickup by Edward Cullen, who makes a small gain before being tackled by Han Solo.

Game Synopsis: Though both teams use their abilities as much as possible, in the end the Sentinels can not match the raw ability of the Crows. Sinestro is seen on the sidelines with some sort of augmented hand, but never enters play. The Sentinels take the halftime for a short trip to The Maw, where the team gets rid of its horcrux. 

Final: CC 41 - CS 16

Season 3 Week 5 Interim: Horcrux Two

Back at it again, the RIDDLE Coalition is looking to pick up where they left off.

Sensing what the clue is in reference too, the following teams took the following actions:

As a result, the following exchange takes place:

FROM THE MIA:

The Holo of Wynn Dorvan fades, and Leia sits up in her comfortable office chair, lines of worry and stress etched in her face. 
"Okay R2, start recording..." R2 beeps a confirmation. 
"Greeting Mand'alor. I'v recently received word that you may be in possession of a dark artifact, referred to as a Horcrux. This artifact is dangerous, not only to you, but the the galaxy at large. Your recents elevated position as leader of your people would lead me to believe you would take this information seriously. This message is both a request, and a warning. We are both in positions of power in the grand scheme of things, and I'm hoping diplomacy, well, my kind of diplomacy will work to solve the problem at hand. If not, then the Senate, myself, and the majority of the HFL shall resort to your style ...

FROM THE SENTINELS

A lone Firespray-31-class scout craft and a familiar YT-1300 Correlian light freighter enter Coruscant's atmosphere, and enter the busy cityscape. Han Solo on radios on the comlink from his cockpit "Yes, this is Han Solo of the Cybertron Sentinels, I was given permission to land a few minutes ago from the traffic controller, what's the hold up?" A young and skeptic voice replies over the comm "How do I know it's really you? A lot of people can mimic voices these days" Han chuckles and replies "Kid, I've been saving the galaxy since before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye, If you don't think I'm real, take a look outside your window and you'll see all the proof you need" . 

As the young captain looks out his window, the Millenium Falcon buzzes his tower, causing his coffee to spill on his desk. He sighs " Yes Falcon, you have permission to land, have a nice day" . "The price of fame, sometimes you just hate it" , a slightly annoyed Lando Calrissian, who has been sitting in the co pilot's chair the whole time, mutters. "It's not that bad" Han says, "I'm just glad he isn't begging for an autograph" . "Are you kidding? As far as HFL goes we're in the gutter, we need a win", replies Lando. "Hopefully that'll be soon, Lando, We've had some extra practice with help from the Asgardian Abberrations over the last week or so after all" . Optimus Primal smiles and simply says "Well that's just prime".

Shortly after, Han, Lando, Optimus Primal, and Boba Fett are in the main office of the Alderaan MIA. "I understand that this thing is of pure evil, I can almost sense the dark spark of Voldermont right here" , a calm and passive Optimus Primal exclaims. "We will hopefully take care of this artifact soon enough" Boba Fett replies.

FROM THE MIA

 Leia studies the faces in her office. There's her beloved Han, father of her children, hero of the galaxy time and again. The silent, helmeted stare of Fett, unnerving as usual. The sole reason they are here. Then there's the creature she's never met yet, towering over the other two, Optimus Primal. Lastly, the light hearted, good natured Lando Calrissian. She lets her eyes shift from one to the other, lingering on Han, and giving him a coy smile. She clears her throat.
"Gentleman, thank you for coming. We all know why we are here. So let's get down to business."
Her gaze shifts to Fett, and she shifts in her seat, sitting straight, and places her folded hands on her desk.
"I'm not exactly aware of the power of these artifacts, but I do know they are great indeed. Terrible, but great. As Optimus said, I too can feel the darkness within it." 
She points just beyond Fett.
"Your jet pack, Fett. That is the Horcrux. If any of you watched the Immortals game, then you witnessed one such Horcrux destroyed. Now, I have not the means nor the knowledge to destroy this one in such a way, but I do have a plan. I'm not sure if any of you know what The Maw is.."
Han shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"... Except maybe Han. The Maw is, or more accurately, was Abeloths... prison, if you will. An abandoned sister space station of the one my late son Anakin destroyed, Centerpoint. The Maw is encircled by a series of super massive black holes. Centerpoint was the tool that kept these black holes in check. Once it was destroyed, one of the black holes shifted slightly, thus freeing Abeloth. That was very bad news when we found out about it, when we learned what Centerpoint, The Maw, and Abeloth was. But for us, now, this can be good news. Due to the resulting shift of one of the black holes, two are now "waring" with each other. The points of no return, where the gravitational pull is so strong there is no escape once you reach this point, are playing a sort of tug of war with each other. My plan, is to shoot this Horcrux into the center of these two points of no return, and let the gravitational pulls rip it apart at the cellular level. And no worries, Fett. I shall replace your jet pack, with one not tainted by any dark magics."
She falls silent, waiting for any objection, comment, or concern.

FROM THE LEAGUE COMMISSIONER

THE SENTINELS PLAY THE CROWS THIS WEEK, THE NEXT GAME. STAY TUNED TO SEE WHAT BECOMES OF HORCRUX NUMBER TWO. 

Sentinels vs. Aberrations

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

Coin Toss: Han always goes first. The Sentinels will receive.

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks and the ball is picked up by Ana Steele, who carries long avoiding a seemingly careful Lobo to manage a return touchdown. 

1st Quarter: The Aberration offense makes up fast when Demo launches long to Wolverine who outruns the Joes and is propelled forward by Magneto. The conversion is successful. Retaking the offense, the Cybertrons are not willing to lose their momentum and He-Man summons Battle Cat for an easy touchdown followed by an easy extra point kick. Demoman and the boys come back out and begin a series of quick runs with Goro followed by a first down 30 yard rush when Drizzt jumps over the Joe defensive line. During this play Bender attempts to steal Conan's sword but Conan manages to prevent him from doing so. The Aberrations finish the quarter by finishing their drive and succeeding on the conversion. 

2nd Quarter: Engineer from the bench sends in a built spare lineman for the Sentinels. This walking sentry begins to really piss off Lobo, who manages to destroy it on the third play. However while predisposed doing so the Sentinels manage a touchdown thanks to Red Sonja. Han manages the conversion when Lando fakes carrying to distract. Trailing a bit, the Aberrations come back strong. Uncle Sam convinces Han to come over to his side, while Parallax scares Boba Fett right off the field. With two starters gone, the Cybertrons bring in Halaster and Megatron to fill the void. During this drive the Aberrations score. 

2nd Half: Halastar takes the half time to lay traps all around the field, but Lobo seems to be immune when he continuously sets them off. Megatron fumbles and Lobo picks up and carries it home. This turnover begins a drive by the Aberrations who pull away from the Cybertrons who only manage to score one more time.

Final: CS 28 - AA 56

Eels vs. Sentinels

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: The Sentinels with Han always shoot first, so they win and will receive.

Kickoff: Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ comes out and kicks a fair distance to Sentinel catcher (in many ways...) Ana Steele, who ends up covered in web and tied up by Spider-Man after a short gain. She loves it. 

1st Quarter: The Sentinels press forward when Ethan Hunt manages to bypass The Hulk for a touchdown. A pissed off Hulk gets even angrier when Ichigo succeeds on the extra point kick. The Eels gain possession and while in play Eel Loras keeps commenting and giving compliments to the Sentinel Data, which overloads his emotion chip and makes him feel love for the first time (that time with Yar was just sex). Data leaves the Sentinels (replaced by Dan Connor, who follows him) for the game to sit with Loras and cheer him on. This greatly weakens the Sentinel offense as they no longer can predict the movements of The Hulk. The Eels touchdown with Alcide and Spidey swings in for the conversion. A weakened offensive Sentinels line comes out for a hard press forward until finally, on a fourth down, He-Man summons Battle Cat and bypasses Hulk. Ichigo succeeds on the kick again. 

2nd Quarter: Dan Connor finally has turned down Data's emotion chip and the now-upset-at-being-fooled android rejoins his team. The eels take it in stride and begin verbally calling out their next plays anyways, and still succeeding as the G.I. Joes just can't compete. When the Sentinels gain possession, Hulk does the same with his plays though all he says is "hulk smash." It is still deadly accurate. Alcide injures Boba Fett, He-Man, and Data in one horribly pissed off play after the Fett's arm cannon injures Bill Clinton, and is forced to leave the game. Voldemort comes out for the former President and Bean comes out for Alcide, while the Eels bring out Megatron, Optimus Primal, and Engineer. 

2nd Half: Only once do the Eels find themselves back in the end zone. Though Engineer keeps giving out solid advice and play strategies to his team, The pissed off Hulk is able to halt most of his team. Meanwhile the G. I. Joe offense can't hold back the might of the Eels. In the final moments of play, as the clock ticks down and the teams go ahead and enter the field to begin shaking hands, Ethan Hunt falls dead. Lord Voldemort slips away from the crowd and the clock hits zero. 

Final: GBSE 48 - CS 20

RIP
Ethan Hunt
1962 - 2013

Sentinels vs. Impalers

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

Coin Toss: Thanks to Han Solo, the Sentinels win and will receive.
Kickoff: McClane kicks (barefoot) to Ana, who is brutally taken down by Predator (but she likes it).
Game Synopsis: A strong start in the first quarter is overridden when the immortals begin to injure the Sentinels in the second, typically in a way so bad they themselves are injured. But while the Sentinels maintain a lead in the second, when the now-healed Immortals return in the second half facing B-list Sentinels, the tide turns.

Final: CS 36 - II 54

Browncoats vs. Sentinels

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: Han Solo always shoots first, and as such the Sentinels go first regardless
Kickoff: Megaman kicks long for a catch by Han Solo, who makes it to the fifty in less than twelve parsecs but is aggressively tackled by the Cylons. 

1st Quarter: Fett begins an intense passing game for the Sentinels utlizing an entire field of eligible carriers who can easily outrun the Browncoat defense (except for Ana, but she just wants to get caught and chained up...). Ethan gets a touchdown on the third play and He-Man succeeds in the conversion. Neil and the gang come out ready to retaliate and Neil manages to immediately guess the Sentintels defensive play, making for an easy touchdown run by Spy. Spy then uses his ability to easily slip by the defense for the conversion. With the ball back in their hands, the Sentinels look to break the tie and again rely on a passing game. He-Man summons Battle Cat and rides in to the end zone while Kamen Rider Ichigo succeeds on the extra point to round out the first quarter.

2nd Quarter: Again Neil guesses the play of the G.I. Joe Sentinel defense, and makes a long almost-out-of-bounds pass to Rey Mysterio, Jr. for an immediate touchdown. Hofstader uses his "prop" ring to slip in for the two point conversion. The Sentinels take the ball and Data shows that he can do the same when he guesses the Browncoat defense and manages to have Joe wheel into the end zone for a touchdown. This time the Sentinels go for two and are successful. Neil comes back out and yet again reads the minds of the opponent defense and we see the same exchange. 

2nd Half: Neil and Data begin a long showdown that results in return touchdowns and successful conversions without a single failure for the entire remainder of the game. In the end it comes down to the Browncoats by one due to the Sentinels having done a single point extra kick once instead of a conversion.

Final: BDB 124 - CS 123

Sentinels vs Hippie Punchers

The Cybertron Sentinels

vs.

The Mann Co. Hippie Punchers

@ Mann Manor

 Paragon Percentage: Han Solo will enter play.

Coin Toss: Sentinels win, will receive.

Kickoff: Pyro kicks to Beorn, who avoids Carnage but is taken down by Casey Jones.

Entire Game Synopsis: This game was stopped in the late third quarter. Had it continued, the Hippie Punchers would have overtaken the Sentinels because there was basically no one left for either team to field. Han managed to keep the Sentinels scoring while the Punchers consistently injured more and more of his guys, though Han was able to avoid some tactics that Jim Gordon used by slightly going left.

Result: CS 45 - MCHP 39

Aberrations vs Sentinels

The Asgardian Aberrations

vs.

The Cybertron Sentinels

@ The Singasteinn Superdome

 Paragon Percentage: Neither paragon enters play. I mean, Batman would....but....yeah...you know.

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Megaman launches long to Goro, who avoids He-Man before Beorn takes him down after a gain.

Entire Game Synopsis: The Aberrations manage to cripple the Sentinels, with their rally gaining steam as Donatello methodically reprograms the machines working for the Sentinels to work for the Aberrations. By the end of the game only Optimus has remained loyal and fought the reprogramming, but he is horribly outnumbered.

Result: AA 61 - CS 18

Browncoats vs. Sentinels

The Big Damn Browncoats vs. The Cybertron Sentinels

@ Serenity Valley Stadium

Paragon Percentage: Han Solo will enter the fray.



Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive

Kick off: Megaman launches a long launch to Frozone, who outruns Beorn and He-Man and iceslides all the way to a touchdown.

First: Following a successful start, the Browncoats feel the pain as Han Solo boots Charles out (whose in charge here anyway) and takes over for the Sentinels. Though he manages to keep the team scoring, he can't halt the Browncoats from overrunning Huey, Dewey, and Louie. So after a few carries he decides to take over for defense after the quarter.

Second: Han enters defense and is immediately baffled when Gromph manages to trick him out with a move (its more of slightly going left) and get a touchdown though he prevents the try. The constructicons form into Devestator and manage to prevent the Sentinels from entering the endzone for quite some time, but finally Cobra Commander and his soldiers manage to overload the Constructicons and land themselves back in the Browncoats endzone, and succeed at the try which brings the score to a tie at half time.
Third: In a similar maneuver (but this time its a lazy lean to the right - aha!) Dovahkin manages to negate Han and get the Browncoats to the endzone, and the try succeeds when he does the same thing but to the left. Come on Han.......starting to think Chewie watches your blind side. Finally, a pissed off Han hears from the coach that they're losing to whcih he replies "I Know" and switched back to offense. Easily bypassing the Constructicons, Han manages to enter the end zone himself and passes one over to Lando for old times sake, giving them their first lead of the night. The Browncoats fail to make headway back when Han duals as offense again, but in the final moment on a fourth and long they bring out Ichigo who manages a 60+ yard field goal to finish the quarter with the Browncoats down 1.

Fourth: Beorn brings the fury - and the furry - when he goes full bear, plowing through and injuring the Constructicons, who are replaced by Dorothy Gale. The Browncoats manage to get around Han during their carry when Frozone remembers Han's greatest weakness: being frozen! The try brings the score tied again with seconds left, and He-Man summons Battlecat into the endzone for a touchdown. Seemingly victorious, the Sentinels are off their guard during their try attempt and fumble the ball which is then recovered by Dorothy who uses her ruby red shoes to wish herself into the endzone, tying the score again and bringing us into....
Sudden Death Overtime: ...but her rally ends quickly when Liu Kang flying kicks her down, allowing Starscream to fly to the endzone and win the game.

Result: BDB 52 - CS 58

Sentinels vs. Knights

The Cybertron Sentinels vs. The Gotham Knights

@ The Metroplex Colosseum

Paragon Percentage: No paragons will enter play

Coin Toss: Knights win, will receive

Kickoff: Megaman launches a long shot to Raze, and moments later a huge fight ensues which ends with a fumble, an injured Raze, a removed-from-play Starscream, and a touchdown for the Sentinels by Lando.

Entire Game Synopsis: The points scored in the initial kickoff would prove to be the only points scored the entire game. Angry at Raze's injury, the Knights fought back brutally, causing Beorn to go full on bear and the next thing we know both benches are cleared and when the fight ends we've got Megatron looking on approvingly while Optimus looks on disapprovingly and it looks like only Snake Pliskin escaped.

Result: CS 6 - GK 0

Sentinels vs. Leviathans

The Cybertron Sentinels vs. The Innsmouth Leviathans

@ R'lyeh Municipal Field

Paragon Percentage: Both Paragons will enter play!



Coin Toss: Leviathans win, will receive.
Kick Off: Megaman launches, Michael Myers receives but walks slowly with the ball. He manages to shrug off a tackle attempt by Starbuck but is brought down after a small gain by He-Man.

First Quarter: Throttle and Starscream begin exchanging touchdowns while Han and Cthulhu have a pissing contest. The Leviathans begin to pull slighty ahead as the Urak-hai are able to prevent a few touchdowns but Hewy, Dewey, and Louie are steamrolled.

Second Quarter: Finally Liu Kang manages to injure the Urak-hai, who bow out and are replaced by Some Asshole in a Horsehead. After scoring a couple touchdowns and preventing any forward advance from the Leviathans, the teams head to the lockerroom for halftime with a tied score.

Third Quarter: Smaug immediately bypasses the Sentinels and scores to end the tie, and Black Adam pulls off the conversion to lengthen the gap. He-Man retaliates by mounting Battle Cat and scoring himself. Cobra Commander uses his soldiers to litter the field and the conversion is good, and once again we're tied.  The round plays out with some back and forth possessions but no scoring until Beorn takes the form of a bear and descimates the defense, allowing teammate Lando to score. This time the try fails.

Fourth Quarter: Han shoot first as the Sentinels gain another touchdown, but Cthulhu fires back - using his totally-just-cheerleaders-and-not-cultists to empower his team and they manage to injure Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Megatron replaces and spends his entire play time trying and failing to take out Cthulhu, allowing a couple touchdowns to slip by him. The buzzer goes off as the score is tied and now we enter....

Sudden Death Overtime: Liu Kang goes for a long haul and looks to be ending the overtime quickly until a chance fumble gives the Leviathans possession. Throttle jumps on his bike and bypasses a distracted Megatron who is fighting Cthulhu to score.

Result: CS 52 - IL 58