Season 3 Week 9

BROWNCOATS vs ABERRATIONS
Aberrations outsmart the Browncoats 43 - 27

MIA vs IMPALERS

The MIA show why they're the Fastest Team Alive - ranking up a high score of 89 - 34

EELS vs LEVIATHANS
A passing game back and forth ends when the Leviathans have too many players blackflagged for injury, allowing the Eels to win as the current points leader at 21 - 14

MILITANTS vs SENTINELS
In the second upset of the week, the winless Sentinels break their bad luck streak on the backs of the Militants 32 - 27, mostly as a result of the Militants having several starters injured early on.

PANDAS vs CROWS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Buzzsaw kicks for a pickup by Indiana Jones, who manages a decent gain before being taken down by Wonder Woman.
Game Synopsis: The first quarter of the game sees the Crows gain a considerable lead, as the Panda defense can't even touch their offensive line. Jax Teller comes in during the first quarter replacing King Kong as defense for one play. This gives the Pandas basically a free touchdown but during the play Jax injures Fred Flintstone, putting him out for the game. Kong returns to defense after this. Things finally turn darker for the Crows when Neil Patrick Harris manages to seduce Wonder Woman away from the Crows. Kong is deflated and upset and not quite as potent as he previously was, though still stronger than the Panda defense. The Pandas restructure their line. During the second quarter the sexual harrassers manage a few touchdowns and cycle through several bench players. Thunderbird replaces the dejected Kong for a play and ends up injuring Ambush Bug. However the Pandas manage to utilize Kirk to counteract the efficiency of The Doctor. During the second half, Jax returns for a play and injures Cowardly Lion before he gains the courage to fight back. The Pandas turn Wonder Woman against her former teammates and manage to get the truth of their playbook out of them, allowing them to return score. In the end it comes down to raw stats as the slightly superior Kong defense and the fourth quarter injection of Neville without the Pandas own Lion to counteract gives them the upperhand.

After the game the Crows are seen cussing out their newest recruit The War Doctor for allowing Kirk to get into his head.

Final: SHP 39 - CC 41

GRENADES vs AUTOMATONSThe Atlus boys continue a streak of refined gameplay when they pummel the Automatons 38 - 21

Season 3, Week 8

Commissioner's Note: Due to lack of strategies being sent in, and thus lack of plentiful writeups - coupled with finals week, this week will be one quick post with highlights.

GAME ONE:

Aberrations beat Impalers 48 - 21
Highlights: A new player
“As the Aberrations take the field, a new creature comes with them.  It seems to be a giant insect of some sort, complete with huge mandibles and long forearms, with 4 very strong, shorter, human arms attached to the torso.  As the Abberations lineup is announced, they call it “Umber Goro”, and seem to have it playing…kicker…”

Ousa is resurrected from death last week by Jozan. The Aberrations re-kill Falkor.
GAME TWO:

The Eels test their streak with a slight win in triple overtime over the MIA - 121 to 118

GAME THREE:
Grenades win 28 - 21
Grenades win in the third quarter when neither team can field a full team and they are already in the lead.

GAME FOUR:

Browncoats win 33 - 17

Browncoats use the rules of the game and see the Leviathans get blackflagged until they can't field a full team and forfeit.

GAME FIVE:

Pandas win 13 - 6

GAME SIX:

Crows win 40 - 33
HORCRUX/RIDDLE UPDATE:
Following up on the dual clues last week, RIDDLE was able to deduce that the next two targets are Pinhead's Lament Configuration puzzle box and the Holocaust Cloak hanging in the Eels trophy room. As of now, the coalition has not come up with a strategy to destroy either item.

Aberrations vs Crows

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE CHARMING CROWS

Flashback to November 11th, 2013: In the aftermath of the game that saw Sinestro lose his hand

and ring when RIDDLE took the first horcrux, Sinestro visited the Eels. He sought out their quarterback, Aquaman - upset that he had allowed his teammate to hide such an item on him

without his consent. The two made a deal that will not be fully disclosed here, and Sinestro was seen on the sidelines looking different and holding his hand (as mentioned in that following Crow game synopsis). Here, Sinestro will finally use his end of the deal.

Flashback to November 27th, 2013:

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long for a pickup by Goro, who makes a large gain before The Lone Ranger takes him down. 

First Half: The Asgardians start strong with a quick touchdown play Magnetic fastball. Uncle Sam quickly suggests that King Kong come over to play for his boys, and the great ape does just that. Sauron and the Nazgul come out to replace Kong, while Kong enters play for the Aberrations offense. The Crows get the ball and Cullen distracts Bender while Sonic runs the touchdown. Squirrel Girl attempts to gain Batman's attention but fails. The Aberrations come back into play, and before the Sauron/Nazgul team enter the Crows decide to put Sinestro on the defensive line. At this point the former quarterback removes his glove to showcase a reforged hand made of what appears to be entirely water. The Aberrations manage an easy touchdown when Sinestro ignores the play completely and tackles Demoman and latches his hand around him in a fit of anger beginning The Thirst. The team reforms but Demoman looks like a husk of his former self, and Sinestro looks overly pleased. During the conversion attempt, Demoman calls a QB sneak but actually purposely fumbles the ball to Sinestro, who returns it for a touchdown before the Aberration offense realizes what happened. The refs spend time with their rule book over dead plays and interceptions during conversion attempts, but rule the fumble allowed the play to remain live. This begins a series of plays where the Aberrations easily touchdown, but Sinestro systematically puts the Thirst onto new players and controls their husk and uses the hands portal to the watery dimension to bring out space dolphins that keep Lobo entertained, getting return touchdowns during the conversions, keeping the score tied. Finally Sinestro leaves the defense when the Thirst has been placed on Demoman, Drizz't, Goro, Uncle Sam, and Squirrel Girl. The second quarter sees the Crows pull ahead by over 40 points as they get touchdown followed by a Sinestro-controlled interception or fumble and the Aberrations sit pointless.
Second Half: Having a bit of time to figure things out, Lobo is pissed. More so than normal. So is Wolverine. And Vash. In a series of three plays, all three are black flagged from playing but Sinestro is knocked unconscious during a brawl and loses control of the husks.  However during the brawl Sinestro turned the Thirst on heavily and kills those husks. From the bench Jozan resurrects Demoman, and Ouka takes the death of Uncle Sam, leaving only Goro, Squirrel Girl, and Drizz't dead. Seeing this, Lobo and Wolverine kill Sinestro outright. The Aberrations come back strong, as Batman leaves his post when his players kill. Jax Teller comes out to QB for the Crows before being immediately injured by Lobo, then Neville comes out. Neville manages to keep the Crows in the end zone a couple times, but the pissed off might of the Aberrations coupled with King Kong playing for them sees them close the gap quickly. A final kick to the Crows for a pickup by Cullen who steps out only to be forcibly sent back into the endzone and tackled is what finally puts the Aberrations back in the lead and saves them from an upset. 

Final: AA 83 - CC 78

R.I.P.

Now a free agent
Will not work with a team that kills

Crows vs. Eels

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

Coin Toss: Eels win, will kick

Kickoff: Voldemort kicks for a pick up by Edward Mullen who makes a small gain before being tackled by Alcide. 

Game Synopsis: Loras almost immediately manages to seduce Cullen to the Eels, but Professor X fails to get into Kong's head and have him defect. The Crows establish a great running game while the Eels possess a much more refined passing game. The game looks to be an upset in the first half, as the Crows pull ahead of the Eels. But in the fourth quarter Voldemort gets tired of his team not getting past King Kong and "takes care of the problem" while a increasingly pissed off Hulk begins to block the Crows. The second half sees the Eels catch up and bypass the Crows. However it turns out that King Kong isn't dead and was tricking Voldemort, and he returns now with a lightning scar on his face and begins to block the Eel rally, ending the third quarter with a tie. The Hulked-up-Hulk and the boosted King Kong prevent any scores from either team in the fourth. Bean and Neville come out in the fourth to boost their respective teams, but the strong defensive lines still seem not to bulge and we enter overtime. Fed up, Bean gives up the touchdown try and manages a 40+ yard field goal to give the Eels the edge. 

Final: CC 38 - GBSE 41

Crows vs Sentinels

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: The Sentinels have Han who always shoots first, so they win and will receive.

Kickoff: Kamen Rider Ichigo kicks for a pickup by Edward Cullen, who makes a small gain before being tackled by Han Solo.

Game Synopsis: Though both teams use their abilities as much as possible, in the end the Sentinels can not match the raw ability of the Crows. Sinestro is seen on the sidelines with some sort of augmented hand, but never enters play. The Sentinels take the halftime for a short trip to The Maw, where the team gets rid of its horcrux. 

Final: CC 41 - CS 16

Impalers vs. Crows

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs.

THE CHARMING CROWS

Coin Toss: Impalers win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long to Predator who slips into stealth mode and runs a field-long touchdown. 

1st Half: Sinestro and the boys come out and begin to outrun the Impaler defense. It seems as if the Impalers are almost giving the Crows the field. Finally Sinestro goes for a QB sneak into the End Zone on a 2nd and Goal when shit gets crazy. On the Impaler sidelines, Dean Winchester is seen talking to a tall cloaked figure. They shake hands, and shortly after Dean falls dead. Few notice and the play goes on. As Sinestro enters the end zone, a large portal opens up above him and the temperature in the arena rises. From the portal comes out Falkor, but not the Falkor you remember. Having been through hell and back, this isn't your grandmother's luck dragon. Falkor the Don't-Give-A-Fuck Dragon immediately smells a small essence of the man who killed him - Voldemort, and hones in on the ring that Sinestro is wearing. In one move, Falkor bites off Sinestro's ring hand and turns his head and spits it back into the hell portal before it can close - destroying it. Sinestro feels fear for the first time in a long time, then promptly faints. As a result, The Goddamn Batman comes out to QB for the rest of the game.

2nd Half: Batman and the gang begin to reak havok on the Impalers, to redeem their loss last week and the maiming of their quarterback. The Impalers bring it back strong, with Sam honoring his brothers sacrifice and Falkor displaying his new attitude on the field. Both teams are penalized so much that the game is called early in the fourth quarter when neither team can field a full offensive line due to individuals being injured or banned. 

Final: II 26 - CC 32

The Roadmap to the death of Voldemort

Crows vs. MIA

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN M.I.A.

Coin Toss: MIA win, will receive

Kickoff: Green Arrow throws long to Scout, who avoids Sonic for a return a touchdown. 

1st Quarter: Weakened by the loss of one of their members last week, the Alderaan defensive line can't seem to block all the receivers and we see the Crows play a tight passing game that gets them a touchdown and a conversion. However, the Alderaan offensive line easily outruns the Crows defense for a fast return touchdown followed by a QB sneak by Flash for the conversion. This repeats itself for the entire quarter as the Crows slowly pass upfield for eventual success and the MIA quickly zip into the end zone.

2nd Quarter: Knowing they are keeping their team from pulling ahead, the MIA defense manages to lower the offensive tactical might of Crow QB Sinestro for the quarter. Realizing this, the Crows begin to go down their line as several members use abilities designed to distract or incapacitate the defense. This allows the entire quarter to become a quick succession of MIA speedsters entering the end zone, and Crows ignoring the defense to return as well. 

2nd Half: As both of the second half quarters play like the first, there isn't really much to say. The MIA machine can't be caught by the Crows defense, and even subbing in King Kong only stops them for one down here and there. Meanwhile, the MIA defense can't hold back the Crows who continue to return. In the end, the MIA take it by one touchdown - the return touchdown from the first kickoff. 

Final: CC 56 - MIA 62

Crows vs Browncoats

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive
Kickoff: Arrow kicks long to Swanson, who rolls for a short gain before being taken down so brutally it confirms his handicap.
Game Synopsis: Here we see two completely different styles of play. The smart Browncoats predict and analyze and attack the hard-hitting, rugged Crows. The Crows pull away towards the end only because the Browncoats can't sustain the heavy hits and receive a few injuries. When Neil gets injured in the third, it really hurts the Browncoats.

Final: CC 21 - BDB 17

Grenades vs. Crows

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

vs

THE CHARMING CROWS

Coin Toss: Grenades win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long to Zach Morris, who makes a small drive and right before being tackled freezes time and repositions the field of players. When he unfreezes time, he has a huge advantage and takes it in for an immediate touchdown.

1st Quarter: The Crows retaliate quickly when Ghost Rider takes out Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch for the entire first play, allowing a Wonder Woman-bolstered King Kong to carry for a return touchdown. Arrow makes the kick. Spider Jerusalem and the Grenade offense come back out and have a hard time getting by the combined defensive might of Sauron and the Nazgul without a faster runner. The clock winds down and eventually the Grenades fail to make a first down. The Crows regain possession and this time Draco Malfoy uses his ability to freeze up Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch again, allowing Batman to get the touchdown. But not having any of that shit, Walter from the Grenades renigs and disallows the kink-necessary touchdown so the Crows lose those points. The quarter ends.

2nd Quarter: The Crows utilize Batman and Wonder Woman to predict multiple defensive plays in a row by the Grenades, marking a quick march to the endzone to score the touchdown they just lost and get the conversion. The Grenades retaliate with Luke Skywalker predicting the Crows defensive move allowing Cosmo Kramer to make a touchdown. Walter succeeds on the extra point. For the next offensive carry the Crows bench Ghost Rider and have Eddie "Buzzsaw" Vatowski incapacitate the Funky Bunch with his chainsaw motorcycle while Sonic the Hedgehog manages a field-long touchdown. King Kong powerhouses in for the conversion. The Grenades come back and the clock runs out during their march downfield. 

3rd Quarter: Continuing their march, the Grenades rely once again on Skywalker to predict the defense next move and they slip by the nazgul for a touchdown by Morris. Walter once again succeeds on the extra point. The Crows come out and swap out Buzzsaw for Edward Cullen, who immediately distracts Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch with a sparkle play allowing Wonder Woman to make a return touchdown. This really pisses off the defense who succeed in blocking the conversion attempt and injuring Cullen. The Grenades come back but still can't outrun the combined might of Sauron and the Nazgul and end up attempting and succeeding on a fourth-and-long field goal. The Crows regain possession and Jax Teller comes out to replace Cullen. The roid-raged Jax wastes no time in injuring the Funky Bunch, being kicked out of the game. Jax is replaced by Neville Longbottom while the Funky Bunch are replaced by Beorn. The clock runs out.

4th Quarter: (While on Bench: Aang with the Grenades attempts and fails to boost his stats) The reinvigorated teams battle for every inch with beefed up Neville and Beorn boosting both sides resolve. Neville barely outmaneuvers Beorn for a touchdown after several first downs but no one can get by Beorn for the conversion attempt. The Grenades bring Beorn on the offense as well replacing Samurai Jack. Beorn boosts the offense enough to finally break free of the Nazgul for a touchdown. Not wishing to risk a repeat of the Crow offense, the team attempts a simple kick and it again succeeds. The clock runs out while the Crows are inching back downfield. 

Final: RPG 30 - CC 35