Aberrations vs. Grenades

THE ASGARD ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

Coin Toss: Grenades win, will receive

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks lightly to Luke Skywalker, who makes a large gain and manages to avoid a tackle from Wolverine (by using his lightsaber to superheat his skeletal system and send him into a fit of massive pain, receiving a sith point) but is eventually taken down by Uncle Sam and Goro.

1st Quarter: Samurai Jack manages to avoid a penalty when he uses European Football kicks for a lateral pass by discussing his superior knowledge of the rules of the game. The pass is ruled legal, which sets the Grenades for a 1st and Goal. Jack's ability to avoid the penalty doesn't go unnoticed by Lobo, who checks him hard. During the play Morris stopped time to rearrange the field and allow the Grenades to get into the end zone, but unbeknownst to him by doing so he set up the tackle that Lobo was preparing for Samurai Jack to be even worse. Nearly crippled, Samurai Jack is escorted off the field and replaced by Brienne of Tarth. But the Grenades score. As the Grenades offense leaves the field and the Aberrations come in, Spider Jerusalem manages to get the upper hand and destroys Drizzt's Twinkle sword, negating its effects until it can be repaired by a blacksmith or mechanic character. Extremely pissed off, the Aberrations take out their frustrations on The Funky Bunch. Demoman grenade launches and injures a couple of their members, while Magneto and an-especially-pissed-off-Wolverine fastball to the end zone. The conversion is good and possession changes back to the Grenades. An especially-aggravated-Lobo gets even more Lobo-y pissed when Skywalker predicts his movements and manages to slip by and outrun him for a return touchdown. He brings out the chains in an attempt to prevent the erratic Cosmo from making the conversion and is successful in doing so. Demoman and the Abberations come back out, and the quarter ends with them at 2nd and 8. 

2nd Quarter: In an interesting twist, benchmate Holmes predicts the play and Demoman loads another grenade. Slipping the ball to the outside with Drizzt he launches to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch but loads up the grenade with cocaine for shits and giggles. Though fun in the idea stage, Demoman might not have been aware of Marky Mark's past and unknowingly just created SuperMarkyMark and the SuperFunky Bunch. Drizzt manages the touchdown, but then Walter says fuck that shit and undoes the Grenade Launcher kink usage which takes away the touchdown, though it can't undo time and the coked our Funky Bunch are still around.  In all this mix, Uncle Sam manages to sway Beorn to the Aberrations side, but has him stay on their bench for the time being. The Aberrations use Vash who drops his act and bypasses the coked out Grenade defensive line since they ignored him thinking he was stupid, managing to regain the touchdown. But the team can't get by the coked out boston boys. The Grenades regain possession moments before the half. 

3rd Quarter: Starting strong, the Grenades use Morris again and manage to bypass Lobo for a touchdown. Skywalker predicts Lobo's moves again and helps his team to get the two point conversion. The Aberrations take control and rely on a simple running game of "short pass to Goro and let him go as far as he can before being tackled" over and over until close to the goal line. Then they mix it up with the fastball but - oh my, Wovlerine is caught in midair by coked out Marky Mark who saw him coming, fumbling the ball but being shredded to bits by the extremely-pissed-for-even-himself Wolverine. The ball is picked up by one of the members of the Funky Bunch who begins raping and carrying but Drizzt stops him with his sword Icingdeath (it nixes fire, and the funky bunch was "spittin fire"). Drizzt manages to regain possession and return the touchdown. Squirrel Girl goes for the safe kick route and succeeds, looking adorable while doing so. 

4th Quarter: Down by 1, the Grenades call on their benchmate Aang who manages to buff up and enter play. Spider and Aang manage to evade the pissed off Lobo for a touchdown and Aang succeeds on the conversion. The Aberrations gain the ball and are joined by benchmate Simba and newfound ally Beorn, who tear through the few remaining Funky Bunchers who are starting to sober up. This quarter becomes a terrifying back and forth of return touchdowns and conversions, keeping the lead passing from one team to the next. Finally, the winner is decided when time runs out before the Grenades can get a chance to return. 

Final: AA 52 - RPG 51

RIP
"Marky" Mark Wahlberg
1971 - 2013