Automatons vs Leviathans

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

vs.

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

Coin Toss: Leviathans win, will receive
Kickoff: King Kong kicks to Smaug, who bypasses for a return touchdown.
Game Synopsis: Both teams stay strong and close throughout the game but in the end its the ability to ignore injury that the Automatons main carriers showcase - and the refusal to try a different tactic by the Leviathan villains, that allows the Automatons to pull ahead.

Final: MA 37 - IL 34

Eels vs. Militants

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

Coin Toss: Eels win, will kick
Kickoff: Voldemort kicks to Green Lantern, who fumbles when the Avada Kedavra hits him and he dies. The ball is picked up by Alcide who runs it in for the Eels.
Game Synopsis: The Eels show that they are out for blood. Hawkeye may be great at passing, but as he watches his entire team get injured he is left with no one to pass to.

RIP
1959 - 2013

Final: GBSE 112 - MOO 0

Sentinels vs. Impalers

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

vs.

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

Coin Toss: Thanks to Han Solo, the Sentinels win and will receive.
Kickoff: McClane kicks (barefoot) to Ana, who is brutally taken down by Predator (but she likes it).
Game Synopsis: A strong start in the first quarter is overridden when the immortals begin to injure the Sentinels in the second, typically in a way so bad they themselves are injured. But while the Sentinels maintain a lead in the second, when the now-healed Immortals return in the second half facing B-list Sentinels, the tide turns.

Final: CS 36 - II 54

Crows vs Browncoats

THE CHARMING CROWS

vs.

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive
Kickoff: Arrow kicks long to Swanson, who rolls for a short gain before being taken down so brutally it confirms his handicap.
Game Synopsis: Here we see two completely different styles of play. The smart Browncoats predict and analyze and attack the hard-hitting, rugged Crows. The Crows pull away towards the end only because the Browncoats can't sustain the heavy hits and receive a few injuries. When Neil gets injured in the third, it really hurts the Browncoats.

Final: CC 21 - BDB 17

MIA vs. Grenades

THE ALDERAAN MIA

vs.

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

Coin Toss: MIA win, will receive
Kickoff: Walter kicks to Scout, who immediately makes a touchdown.
Game Synopsis: The Flash and the MIA keep the Grenades trailing for the first half, but a third quarter odd vibration collision on the sidelines caused by the erratic Cosmo Kramer puts The Flash out of service for the game, and Aang beefs up and joins in the fourth to help the Grenades catch up and far surpass the MIA.

Final: AMIA 14 - RPG 27

Pandas vs. Aberrations

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

*this game was reran after a roster error on the commissioners end*

Coin Toss: Aberrations win, will receive

Kickoff: Korben Dallas kicks to Goro, who makes a large gain before Clifford brings him down at the 30. 

Game Synopsis: We have a good game where the Pandas and the Aberrations utilize their players and their abilities in the smartest ways possible. Hannibal uses all of his line as jacks-of-all-trades, and Marty breaks through the Aberration defense several times. Yet in the end the intelligence of their owners and managers can't overcome sheer statistical onslaught, as the Aberrations manage to take the Pandas.  

Final: SHP 42 - AA 44

Pandas vs. Automatons

THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

vs.

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

Coin Toss: The Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Donkey Kong kicks off to Neil Patrick Harris who is tackled quickly by Kirby.
1st Quarter: The Pandas begin a hard-hitting running game with the very fast Flintstone. The Roughnecks can't catch him once he breaks the line, so they finally begin to double up on him. Clifford the Big Red Dog trembles the ground making the Roughnecks still lose their footing, allowing Flintstone to get into the end zone. Indiana Jones uses his bullwhip for an easy two point conversion. Mithril regains possession and Iskandar immediately chariots up and returns a touchdown. The Warriors can not physically stop V who makes the conversion.
2nd Quarter: Marty McFly quickly uses his perfect-for-a-shaky-cam abilities to move around the Roughnecks and show Iskandar that both quarterbacks can land a personal touchdown. Korben makes the conversion. The Automatons regain the ball and Kirby immediately sucks up The Warriors and takes their ability, thus granting all his allies it. Sailor Moon is buffed and manages a easy touchdown. The conversion succeeds when the Gelatinous Cube also sucks up The Warriors and buffs up its own stats to any of theirs that are better for the rest of the game, leaving them with the weaker stats.
2nd Half: Marty again goes for a strong running game with the Bedrock Whip play, doing a handoff to Indiana Jones who uses his bullwhip to immediately gain ten yards and then lateral to Flintstone who manages to run 10 or 20 more with ease each time. The smart plays by the Militant offense are unfortunately not aided by their weakened defensive line in a post-Kirby world. The Automatons are able to continuously drill out one-play touchdowns. Both teams are scoring often, but the Automatons pull away as they seem to score twice for every Militant score.

Final: SHP 58 - MA 83

Militants vs. Leviathans

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

vs.

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

Coin Toss: Leviathans win, will receive

Kickoff: Hagrid kicks a short one to Smaug, who attempts to take flight but is grounded by Green Lantern after a short gain.

1st Quarter: Gandalf starts the game on the Militants bench while their Defense is in play by being an asshole to Bard the Bowman anyway. Sensing Bard using his once per game kink to auto succeed on a touchdown, Gandalf initiates his "You Shall Not Pass" rule for the quarter - which causes Bard to waste his kink. This pisses off Kratos who heads to the opponents bench and begins to beat up the old man. Hawkeye begins sending extra footballs from the sideline towards Kratos head to knock him out but Throttle interferes with his Nuke Chucks and blocks all of them. This eventually delves into a full on fight with even fans and refs jumping in. After the dust settles Hagrid limps with what looks to be injuries from every horror movie villain on the Leviathan team, while The Punisher looks like he just came. The teams move to their sides only for everyone to realize that the play that started the whole thing never officially ended and the clock - though long having ran out - is still active for the play. With Vorhees still retained the slow but surefooted and badly bleeding Hagrid picks up the ball for a slow walk to the end zone. Everyone else on the Leviathan team tries to tackle him but fail. Too injured to try the kick, the Militants go for a conversion only to fail. 

2nd Quarter: The Leviathans get the ball and a on-the-bench-but-doesn't-give-a-fuck Michael Myers enters the field. The refs call a foul but he doesn't stop and starts murdering the endless Foot Clan coming at the team. This starts a blood rage once again in Vorhees and Kratos who go right back to it. This brings out the full benches of both teams again in yet another brawl. Crash Bandicoot does a Tornado Drive and clears the entire field. Bard the Bowman was able this quarter to do the lateral passes he loves to score a touchdown, before he himself entered the fray. The refs drag the combatants apart to find most of the field too injured to play.

Referee's Prerogative: With the scores tied, and both teams unable to field a full roster, the judges call the match without a second half or overtime as a TIE. Then they run as fast as they can. 

Final: MOO 6 - IL 6

Impalers vs. Eels

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs.

THE REIGNING HFFL CHAMPIONS:
THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

Coin Toss: The Eels win, will kick

Kickoff: Lord Voldemort kicks the ball long and straight down the middle. The Impalers scramble and Falkor the Luckdragon falls out of the sky dead. The crowd is stunned. The ball hits the ground. Sam Winchester picks it up while beginning to wonder towards Falkor, stepping out of the end zone only to be drive hard back into it and tackled by Alcide for an immediate safety. The medics come out and find that Falkor is dead. Lord Voldemort cackles back to the bench and puts his wand away. Falkor's luck ran out when Avada Kedavra met him. 

1st Quarter: The Immortals bring out the other Winchester brother to replace their fallen comrade. Dean wastes no time in revenge when he jumps in his ride and drives right over The Hulk for a touchdown. This pisses off Hulk who spends the conversion time beating up Dean who is injured, but this distraction allows the Immortals to succeed on the conversion - angering Hulk even more. The Eels offense comes out and outmaneuvers Bregan for a quick touchdown by the enraged Alcide. Samwise sneaks in for the conversion. The Immortals come back out to an even-angrier-than-normal Hulk and Goonies but manage to get around them when Sam predicts their movement. Predator gets a touchdown and Duncan gets the conversion. Hulk. Is. Pissed. 

2nd Quarter: The Eels come back strong again Samwise helping coach the running backs. Aquaman begins a strong running game with Loras and Spider-man that leads them to the endzone. Clinton manages the Conversion when he tricks Bregan to go down in front of him. With seconds left the Immortals come out and Sam Winchester again manages to predict The Hulk and Goonies play allowing Raiden to make a quarterback sneak become a 40 yard touchdown. You wouldn't believe how angry Hulk gets. 

2nd Half: We now see our first truly blowout game. Without finding a way to remove him before scoring so much, the Immortals manage to anger Hulk into a SuperHulk mode and lose any and all ability to get by him other than once a quarter when Sam manages to guess his move and once when Predator uses his stealth. Hulk begins forcing turnovers allowing the Eels to be in nearly-constant possession. And Bregan just can't hold back the tide (sorry, Aquaman joke) of the Eels. 

Final: II 42 - GBSE 93

RIP FALKOR
1979 - 2013

Browncoats vs. Sentinels

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

vs.

THE CYBERTRON SENTINELS

Coin Toss: Han Solo always shoots first, and as such the Sentinels go first regardless
Kickoff: Megaman kicks long for a catch by Han Solo, who makes it to the fifty in less than twelve parsecs but is aggressively tackled by the Cylons. 

1st Quarter: Fett begins an intense passing game for the Sentinels utlizing an entire field of eligible carriers who can easily outrun the Browncoat defense (except for Ana, but she just wants to get caught and chained up...). Ethan gets a touchdown on the third play and He-Man succeeds in the conversion. Neil and the gang come out ready to retaliate and Neil manages to immediately guess the Sentintels defensive play, making for an easy touchdown run by Spy. Spy then uses his ability to easily slip by the defense for the conversion. With the ball back in their hands, the Sentinels look to break the tie and again rely on a passing game. He-Man summons Battle Cat and rides in to the end zone while Kamen Rider Ichigo succeeds on the extra point to round out the first quarter.

2nd Quarter: Again Neil guesses the play of the G.I. Joe Sentinel defense, and makes a long almost-out-of-bounds pass to Rey Mysterio, Jr. for an immediate touchdown. Hofstader uses his "prop" ring to slip in for the two point conversion. The Sentinels take the ball and Data shows that he can do the same when he guesses the Browncoat defense and manages to have Joe wheel into the end zone for a touchdown. This time the Sentinels go for two and are successful. Neil comes back out and yet again reads the minds of the opponent defense and we see the same exchange. 

2nd Half: Neil and Data begin a long showdown that results in return touchdowns and successful conversions without a single failure for the entire remainder of the game. In the end it comes down to the Browncoats by one due to the Sentinels having done a single point extra kick once instead of a conversion.

Final: BDB 124 - CS 123

Grenades vs. Crows

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

vs

THE CHARMING CROWS

Coin Toss: Grenades win, will receive.

Kickoff: Green Arrow kicks long to Zach Morris, who makes a small drive and right before being tackled freezes time and repositions the field of players. When he unfreezes time, he has a huge advantage and takes it in for an immediate touchdown.

1st Quarter: The Crows retaliate quickly when Ghost Rider takes out Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch for the entire first play, allowing a Wonder Woman-bolstered King Kong to carry for a return touchdown. Arrow makes the kick. Spider Jerusalem and the Grenade offense come back out and have a hard time getting by the combined defensive might of Sauron and the Nazgul without a faster runner. The clock winds down and eventually the Grenades fail to make a first down. The Crows regain possession and this time Draco Malfoy uses his ability to freeze up Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch again, allowing Batman to get the touchdown. But not having any of that shit, Walter from the Grenades renigs and disallows the kink-necessary touchdown so the Crows lose those points. The quarter ends.

2nd Quarter: The Crows utilize Batman and Wonder Woman to predict multiple defensive plays in a row by the Grenades, marking a quick march to the endzone to score the touchdown they just lost and get the conversion. The Grenades retaliate with Luke Skywalker predicting the Crows defensive move allowing Cosmo Kramer to make a touchdown. Walter succeeds on the extra point. For the next offensive carry the Crows bench Ghost Rider and have Eddie "Buzzsaw" Vatowski incapacitate the Funky Bunch with his chainsaw motorcycle while Sonic the Hedgehog manages a field-long touchdown. King Kong powerhouses in for the conversion. The Grenades come back and the clock runs out during their march downfield. 

3rd Quarter: Continuing their march, the Grenades rely once again on Skywalker to predict the defense next move and they slip by the nazgul for a touchdown by Morris. Walter once again succeeds on the extra point. The Crows come out and swap out Buzzsaw for Edward Cullen, who immediately distracts Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch with a sparkle play allowing Wonder Woman to make a return touchdown. This really pisses off the defense who succeed in blocking the conversion attempt and injuring Cullen. The Grenades come back but still can't outrun the combined might of Sauron and the Nazgul and end up attempting and succeeding on a fourth-and-long field goal. The Crows regain possession and Jax Teller comes out to replace Cullen. The roid-raged Jax wastes no time in injuring the Funky Bunch, being kicked out of the game. Jax is replaced by Neville Longbottom while the Funky Bunch are replaced by Beorn. The clock runs out.

4th Quarter: (While on Bench: Aang with the Grenades attempts and fails to boost his stats) The reinvigorated teams battle for every inch with beefed up Neville and Beorn boosting both sides resolve. Neville barely outmaneuvers Beorn for a touchdown after several first downs but no one can get by Beorn for the conversion attempt. The Grenades bring Beorn on the offense as well replacing Samurai Jack. Beorn boosts the offense enough to finally break free of the Nazgul for a touchdown. Not wishing to risk a repeat of the Crow offense, the team attempts a simple kick and it again succeeds. The clock runs out while the Crows are inching back downfield. 

Final: RPG 30 - CC 35

Aberrations vs. MIA

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

vs.

THE ALDERAAN M.I.A.

Coin Toss: MIA win, will receive

Kickoff: Squirrel Girl kicks to Aragorn and immediately her quirky beauty stuns the ranger, who then immediately is convinced by Uncle Sam to spend some time with the Aberrations. Aragorn steps out of the end zone after catching the ball only to step back into it and kneel, giving the Aberrations two points.

1st Quarter: The odd start is shaken off as Aragorn is escorted off the field and replaced by Speed Racer. The Flash relies heavily on a running game and keeps Lobo busy, allowing a slow-but-steedy march of downs. Gray Mouser ends up inexplicably slipping by Lobo for a 18 yard touchdown giving the MIA the lead. Arthur takes to the air to go over Lobo for the conversion. The slow march of the MIA waste most of the quarter's time, so time runs out after the Aberrations gain possession.

2nd Quarter: The Animaniacs use their ability to soften the tactical might of Demoman. The already erratic quarterback then decides that the best course of action is to blow some shit up. A shotgun formation leads to Demoman launching a long pass that is intercepted by Dot Warner - but OH NO, its not the football. Its a grenade. As the crowd cries and Yakko and Wakko dive to take cover from bits of Dot, they fail to notice that the ball was actually sleight-of-handed to Drizz't who took to the outside and is in the endzone for a touchdown. The remaining animaniacs, still reeling, can't stop Drizz't from successfully completing the conversion. The MIA take the carry with plenty of time on the clock and the offense is already sporting black armbands. Legolas and The Flash work hand in hand to continue to fight a dual-forked running game that keeps Lobo guessing. Moving at a much faster pace, Legolas finally enters the endzone. Arthur fails at the kick, much to the dismay of everyone. The Aberrations gain possession and make a strong push before the halftime.

3rd Quarter: The second half starts with the Aberrations in control near their own 45. Not content to settle with just murder, the Aberrations take the running game style of the MIA and turn it against them with their magnetic fastball. Demoman keeps handing the ball over to Wolverine who is pushed forward by teammate Magneto from the bench for a first down every single play. Logan takes the easy touchdown and Squirrel Girl succeeds on the kick. The MIA take back the ball for a long haul. Gorilla Grodd takes to having a personal fight with Lobo that doesn't hurt him but makes Grodd feel better and keeps Lobo busy. This allows Scout to make a quick 80 yard touchdown. Starscream helps Arthur land the kick this time. The Aberrations quickly land another touchdown thanks to their magnetic fastballs. The conversion is good. The quarter ends with the MIA carrying at their own 20. 

4th Quarter: Wakko and Yakko get a little bit of vengeance for their lost sister when they trick Magneto into pulling a sledgehammer full speed into himself on the Aberrations bench while they are sitting on the MIA bench. This gives the MIA a penalty and pushes them back 5, but Scout and gang manage to still make the touchdown after a few minutes of driving downfield. With Magneto knocked out, Wolverine can't rely on the overly-easy fastball but the team is still strong. A strong Simba comes in from the bench and Drizz't takes a ride on the returned king to the endzone. During this series of plays Donatello slips to the Aberrations bench and reprograms Starscream so he can no longer aid his teammates. The weakened MIA begin a long drive that takes up most of the time on the clock until Lobo manages to intercept a throw to the weakened Starscream when the benched Sherlock Holmes tells him what play is about to run. With the carry and seconds left,  Vash the Stampede finally drops his stupidity act and runs a touchdown for the solid win. The conversion is good. 

R.I.P.
Dot Warner
1993 - 2013

Results: AA 34 - AMIA 30