New Scum squashes the Frogs, minus a "Princess"

Another beautiful day in the Commissioner’s own stadium. As the Flippin’ Flyin’ Frogs show up to take on the always dangerous Metropolitan New Scum. Spider Jerusalem’s team is coming off a hard loss to the Gilder Bay Eels, while the Frogs who are new to the league, also had a demoralizing loss to the Inhumans. Today, one team shall leave still without a win.

Spider walk out muttering curses with Neil Patrick Harris at his side. Today, Neil seems to be wearing a bright red Hawaiian shirt with adorned with yellow flowers. Across from them, the much shorter duo of Megaman and Yoda step forward. “Quite loud, your shirt is.” Notes Yoda, knowing Neil isn’t in his standard attire of a suit and tie. “Oh you know, some chicks dig cheesy guys in loud shirts.” Neil remarks, casting a glance to the Frogs sideline. The ref doesn’t care much about the banter, and flips the coin. “The Fogs will receive first, let’s play ball.”

Malcolm Reynolds lines up the kick and sends it sailing into Frogs Territory, Rocky Douglas Jr. catches the ball and leads the charge forward as the two teams clash. Rocky’s short stature and ninja skills pay of as he avoids most of the New Scum, and downs the ball at the 20 yard line as Samurai Jack blocks his path. The two eye each other up and down, Jack is rather confused at this boy in a kimono, and sits to ponder his course of action as Lobo steps onto the field for the New Scum.

Megaman being no stranger to Lobo’s style of defense wastes no time hitting the team of Fred and Dino with a shovel pass allowing Dino to slip by as Fred Flintsone punches Lobo square in the jaw and knocks him to the ground. The dinosaur clears the endzone for a touchdown and the Frogs celebrate as they run off the field with Lobo still sitting trying to understand what just took place.

Spider watches Black Bolt boot the ball through the uprights for an extra point. “We’re fucking losing to a bunch of kids cartoons and 90’s symbols. What in the eleven hells are you doing out there Lobo?” “Ain’t my fragging fault the ninja kid ran the length of the field, Jack could have took his head. Couldn’t you Jack?” The samurai is silent as he gathers himself and steps onto the field for the kickoff.

Black Bolt kicks again, sending the ball into the capable hands of Captain America who begins to systematically waylay every Frog who gets within arms reach of him. Finally, he is face to face with Black Bolt, who simply utters the word “STOP”. Cap, knowing this was totally going to happen, it ALWAYS does when the leader of the Inhumans is involved, leaps.  The good Captain keeps his body behind his shield, which absorbs the blow and results in Black Bolt taking a shield to the face. As the terrigan misted mutant stumbles, Cap steps into the endzone, salutes the flag and says the pledge of allegiance. This currently reigns as the lamest touchdown dance in all of football history. Spider is finally pleased, momentarily, as the extra point sails through the uprights to tie the game. 7-7

Mal takes the ball again, and kicks back off to the Frogs kicking deep into Frogs territory where Zach Morris catches the kick he takes it to his own 40 yard line before being shut down by the New Scum. Megaman & Company have a lot of field to cover this possession than they did last the last. Lobo comes out to run defense, and he seems to recall the last possession very clearly.

Megaman leads the Frogs in a valiant drive, which ends when Lobo firmly plants himself between Fred Flintstone and the oncoming ball. Lobo makes it several yards before Megaman can change over to Air Shooter and knock Lobo down. Yoda nods silently and waves at Bowser and the Goombas to prepare to take the field.

Lobo and Spider share a look as Lobo takes the bench. Spider refers to the Czarnian as an effective brute and walks onto the field. The Spider driven offense works around the Brothers McManus, while Captain America and Brienne whittle down Goombas to help them drive into Frog territory for another touchdown. Mal comes off the bench for the extra point, which is good to put the New Scum up 14-7.

Mal sticks around to kickoff to the Frogs as time begins to dwindle in the 1^st quarter. Fred and Dino catch the ball at the 25 yard line and yabba-dabba-do up the field. The prehistoric pair quickly shuffle about, causing the New Scum to lose track of who has the ball, until River Tam comes out of left field and lays out Dino. The purple dinosaur is helped to the sideline as Megaman comes back out with his crew, minus Dino for the moment.

From their own 30 yard line, the Frogs have a long way to go again, and Lobo’s red eyes glaring down his offense. The 2^nd quarter starts as the Frogs work angles and short runs against the Czarnian, finally ending at a treacherous 4^th and 1. Megaman takes the hike and throws a ball straight at Lobo, who sneers as the ball almost enters his arms, before it suddenly disappears. He looks back to see Zach Morris running downfield and gets a sickle throw off on the teenage to catch him before he hits the endzone. A valuable first down achieved, Megaman and crew retake their positions. Spreading the ball around, and getting a sneaky slide in there, the Frogs end up at the 20 yard line with few options left on a 4^th down. Looking back to Yoda for guidance, Megaman signals for Black Bolt to come in and kick a field goal. The kick goes up, and the ball swiftly comes back down with Lobo’s hand on it. The Czarnian laughs and walks off the field, giving control back to Spider and his high powered offense.

Megaman looks frustrated, but Yoga advises him “Be patient, we must.” And nods for Bowser and his Goomba army to retake the field. Spider calls the first play and takes the hike, Neil Patrick Harris runs a short angle, then stops and winks at Zoe Washburne on the sideline. She grins, admiring his newfound style, as the ball collides with the side of his head and he misses his pass. She laughs and he goes back to the line of scrimmage for the next play. Spider keeps his mitts on the ball, lets Bowser get in close before firing passes downfield to his receivers, and the New Scum march down the field. The drive is capped by Murphy McManus with an 8 yard run and bounce over a Goomba’s head into the endzone. Malcolm comes in and kicks for the extra point, through the uprights again. New Scum with a 21-7 lead now.

Yoda never seems flustered, he speaks briefly with Megaman on the sideline before the teams take the field for the kickoff. Malcolm hits the ball too high and it whiffs along the ground and bounces poorly and is scooped up by Fred Flintstone, who gets a short gain into the New Scum territory before being taken down hard by Samurai Jack. The silent samurai hits the patriarch of the prehistoric family across the temple with the hilt of his blade, sending him reeling and a stretcher comes out to retrieve him. Meanwhile, Neil seems to have made headway with Zoe, they’re rolling around on the 45 yard line. Malcolm smirks and tells them to get a room, or at least a locker room.

Megaman, down 2 teammates doesn’t seem fazed. He makes the playcall and takes the hike, and loads the ball into his arm cannon. From nowhere, the young ninja Rocky leaps from the ground, onto Megaman’s shoulder, and into the air above him. Megaman takes careful aim and fires the ball from his arm cannon to the young ninja, who grapples the ball midair and rides it as it careens inside the 10 yard line. Rocky hits the ground on his feet, and runs the last couple yards before leaping into the endzone. Lobo stands in shock and awe, not exactly sure how he can defend against that play. Megaman nods to Yoda who seems pleased with the trick play. Black Bolt comes onto the field for the kick and brings the Frogs back up to within 7 points at the half. 21-14, the New Scum still running the show.

The two teams hit the locker rooms Zoe seemingly attached to Neil Patrick Harris, while Bowser throws his Goombas about for not doing a better job. Goomba morale is at an all-time low. Lobo’s having one of the stranger games of his career, and isn’t sure what to make of this new cunning Megaman. Spider is ticked that their lead isn’t bigger, and makes sure his crew knows this.  Most of the Frogs spend their time listening to Yoda speak in broken sentences, but only following about half of what he says. But Megaman is locked in. The teams exit locker rooms as the Frogs prepare to kick to the New Scum.

Black Bolt comes in for the kickoff, and the rejuvenated Frogs pour on the steam running hard at the New Scum. The kick comes down about the 35 to Captain America, who quickly has Brienne of Tarth and Samurai Jack at his side. The trio clash with the Frogs as swords flash, and Zach Morris falls to the ground. Samurai Jack however breaks off from the pair, his blow to Rocky had been narrowly dodged. The duo lock eyes and commence dueling in the center of the field. Rocky finally falling victim to a roundhouse kick delivered by the experienced samurai. Cap, with one side exposed, received fair payback from Black Bolt earlier in the game and is downed at the Frogs 40 yard line. Stretchers come out for Rocky & Zach, as the Frogs now must decide which of the youths will receive the aid from John Coffey.

Spider directs Malcolm Reynolds to commence running the offense, with his first mate helping, at the behest of Neil of course. Bowser leads the Goombas back on field and orders them into a specific formation. Mal hands off to Brienne, who takes long strides upfield, and collides with the massive claw of Bowser. He laughs crunches the sword maiden in a claw and drops her to the ground. River Tam is called to play for Brienne, who is unhurt, but her damaged armor hinders her movement. Mal is just glad his crew and his team are all getting along. River studies Bowser and his formation of Goombas close by the sudden realization hits her as Mal calls the play and the ball is hiked. Bowser heaves a pair of Goombas at the young woman’s head triggering an unprecedented emotional response of sheer rage. Bowser takes off downfield to keep the New Scum wide receivers in check with a gout of flame as River Tam begins to go haywire on her own team. But Neil is far too close and is struck hard by the tiny girl. Zoe, not at ALL happy about her man being slapped by River. Draws her blaster from the bench and draws a bead on River. The young girl falls into a heap as Bowser runs by having intercepted the poorly thrown pass from Malcolm, who’s been distracted by everything suddenly falling apart on his second play as quarterback. But the King of Koopas is too slow for Cap, who is able to wrestle him to the ground before he’s able to score a touchdown.

The Frogs rejoice as Bowser and his troops (minus 2) come to the sideline. Meanwhile, Malcolm recalls his days in the military as Spider invents new expletives to use on his team, suddenly down 2 players. Lobo is called out again to defend the well positioned Frogs, who suddenly have a chance to tie things up. Megaman calls the play and loads the ball into his cannon arm, his eye catches a flash of metal as Lobo’s sickle lands directly in front of him solidly planting into the ground. Looking up, the robotic boy see’s the last Czarnian slingshotting at him with one big boot first, knocking the quarterback to the ground for a sack. Momentum stifled, Lobo continues to wreak havoc on the Frogs offensive squad, forcing them to settle for a field goal attempt. Black Bolt hits a 30 yard field goal for the Frogs, making the first score of the half and narrowing the gap to 21-17.

The end of the 3^rd quarter looms as Black Bolt kicks off back to the New Scum sailing high and deep into their end of the field. Murphy McManus gets the pickup and completely trips over himself, downing the ball on his own 17 yard line. Spider looks as if a vein might explode, and he walks onto the field to run his offense again, bringing with him Buffy Summers and Deathstroke (holding Django’s Coffin) to backfill positions left open by injured players. Spider directs his crew, and hikes the ball Bowser concentrates on getting to Spider, who is well guarded by Captain America and Samurai Jack on every turn. Spider can’t risk big plays but keeps Murphy & Connor working while Bowser looms large over his linemen. Deathstroke, seeing an opportunity, smashes the coffin over Bowser’s head. The Koopa King lights the remainder of the coffin on fire, and chucks a Goomba at the McManus brother running the ball. Buffy is intrigued, such a strong display of sheer power and aggression. And he’s a king? What a catch.

Spider purposefully takes his time chipping away at Bowser’s defense and working his way across the field, until finally Buffy leaves formation on a play and runs up to Bowser, who quickly grabs her and lifts her into the air. The Koopa was about to use her as a missile to hit Spider, when she gets his attention, and whispers something in hushed tones into his ear. Bowser grins, if that’s even a thing, and runs off while still holding Buffy in the air. Spider mutters another curse about running out of players, and runs through the field of Goombas for a touchdown with the help of Captain America and Samurai Jack. Malcolm is trusted to make the kick, and manages to do so, bringing the New Scum up to 28-17 over the Frogs. Yoda signals for Peter Griffith to step forward and quickly instructs him on what his purpose is to be.

Mal kicks off to the Frogs, time waning since Spider’s last drive took so long, and the ball goes deep. The freshly healed up Rocky catches the ball, and laterals to Peter as instructed by Yoda. Peter recalls his days with the New England Patriots and rushes forward, stiff arming Captain America on his way and recalling that it reminded him of the time he dressed up to go see the Avengers with the guys.

They had decided to attend the midnight showing in costume, Quagmire was dressed as Iron Man, Cleveland as the Hulk, Brian as Thor, and Joe as Hawkeye. When Peter walked in as Natasha Romanov in a skin tight body suit, their conversation stopped and everyone looked at him awkwardly.

Peter crashes through the last defender and into the endzone. Commencing his song and dance, the clock continues to run down to the two minute warning. Yoda goes for the 2 point conversion, attempting to get the game close enough for a shot at overtime. Bean easily makes the play for the Frogs, Lobo really just ready for a cigar, he’s had it with these guys. Closing the gap to 28-25, the Frogs kick off to the New Scum again.

The ball sailing far towards the New Scum endzone, Captain America with the catch as the final minutes of the game begin to tick away. He pushes his way to the 50 yard line, where he encounters Black Bolt again, who’s powerful voice is enough to slow him down long enough that Bean is able to get him down.

With Bowser nowhere to be seen, and the Goombas freely going about their business, Bean steps in a defense for what could be the games last drive. Spider feeds the ball to Cap, who keeps the ball tucked low and collides time and time again with Bean, slowing getting enough progress for a first down. Then another, allowing Spider to call Malcom in for a kick in the last moments of the game. Malcolm’s kick sails right, but manages to stay between the goal posts. Sealing the deal on the Flippin Flyin Frogs 31-25.

A letter is delivered to Spider after the handshakes are completed at the end of the game. It reads as follows:

“Your vampire hunter is in another castle, if you want her back, feel free to attempt to rescue her.”
Followed by mysterious laughter that seemed to emanate from the sky.