Eels vs. Aberrations

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

vs.

THE ASGARDIAN ABERRATIONS

TWO UNDEFEATED TEAMS ENTER.
ONLY ONE LEAVES.

Coin Toss: The Aberrations win, and will receive.

Kickoff: Jesus kicks for a pickup by Parallax who instantly disappears and is removed from having ever existed when Samwise uses the Green Lantern ring from earlier in the season to focus his boundless and will and love for Mr. Frodo into assisting Carol Ferris in shutting down Parallax's power, but with the mental strength of Professor X and River assisting the bolstered strength of Love is sent through the kick of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who himself has an infinite capacity of love to create the ultimate power of Love, obliterating the creature. The fumbled ball is picked up by Iron Fist, who manages a large gain before being taken down by Hooper and her friends the Xtacles, who have came to the game from the Crows as the result of an earlier trade in the season.

1st Quarter: The Aberrations come back strong. The drained Carol Ferris on the sidelines and Atrocious' rage is infinite after the destruction of Parallax. The team meets their first real defensive might when they come up against Hooper and the Xtacles. The team creates a shotgun formation forcing Hooper into tight quarters, where Donatello manages to slip off the sidelines and disable her arm. An initial attempt to utilize this arm results in an error, but a second attempt proves deadly to the Eels: Donatello activates the self destruct in every Xtacles helmet, leaving only Hooper and the Aberrations use this time to get around and score. Donatello is blackflagged from the bench and game. The Eels manage to block the attempt and take the possession but it turns bad when Atrocious uses his rage to scare off Carol from the sideline which causes her to false start several times. Finally The Penquin figures out what is going on and informs Aquaman, who pulls her from play. Lobo focuses on the quarterback, which allows the Eels to gain a touchdown - but Aquaman is sacked in the process and at this point Lobo slips the glove off of his hand to reveal The Thirst - taken from former Crow and now deceased Sinestro who got it from Aquaman earlier in the season. This messes with the hero quite a bit, and the neverending taunting of Luke Cage and Iron Fist about how he gave away his power to heal and it was used to hurt people damages the psyche of Arthur Curry. The conversion fails. 

2nd Quarter: The Aberrations come back again this time against a defense of a buffed up Bean. Bean manages to slow the team down but the Magnetic Fastball now includes Cage and Fist who manage the Grab & Smash & Slash so the team makes it to the endzone. The loaned Falkor succeeds on a kick for the Aberrations, gladly helping score against the team that caused his death once. The Eels recuperate fast when Christ succeeds on a 1d4 roll to grant his entire team +1 for the game. Jesus hears from River what Lobo will be doing on defense and embraces him and summons the power of his own Ark, melting Lobo's face and banishing them both to Purgatory as Lobo can not enter the afterlife. The Eels score.  With their kicker in purgatory, the Eels bring out current defense Bean who decides on a conversion. The Aberrations field Bender in Lobo's place who manages to prevent the conversion. 

3rd Quarter: Regaining possession, the Aberrations meet an even more beefed up Bean on the field. Though Bean can easily catch and stop the carriers, these are carriers who you don't always want to necessarily cuddle with. Wolverine/Iron Fist/Luke Cage hurt Bean before he becomes too OP, and manage a touchdown - though the kick attempt actually fails and the team remembers why they miss Squirrel Girl. The Medic goes out of play while the Eels gain carry and works to heal Bean. During this time, the Eels forced Bender to go down thanks to Clinton which allows them to score. But without their kicker, the team relies on a conversion attempt that fails. 

4th Quarter: The Aberrations come out and mean business. Demoman purposely loads a fake football and sleight of hands the ball to Wolverine who runs on the outside for a touchdown. He is not caught by the fully restored and buffed Bean thanks to the fake ball being full of the detonation gum from the Eels, which slows him down and sticks him in place. But Bean blocks the conversion and the Eels regain possession. The Eels get around Bender for a touchdown and without their kicker Jesus and with several failed conversion attempts Aquaman decides to try his luck at kicking. But way earlier when Lobo was still in he laid The Thirst on him, and that little bit of doubt and pain in Aquaman trips him up. The 32 yard field goal misses. 

Final: GBSE 24 - AA 25

Season 3 Week 9

BROWNCOATS vs ABERRATIONS
Aberrations outsmart the Browncoats 43 - 27

MIA vs IMPALERS

The MIA show why they're the Fastest Team Alive - ranking up a high score of 89 - 34

EELS vs LEVIATHANS
A passing game back and forth ends when the Leviathans have too many players blackflagged for injury, allowing the Eels to win as the current points leader at 21 - 14

MILITANTS vs SENTINELS
In the second upset of the week, the winless Sentinels break their bad luck streak on the backs of the Militants 32 - 27, mostly as a result of the Militants having several starters injured early on.

PANDAS vs CROWS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive
Kickoff: Buzzsaw kicks for a pickup by Indiana Jones, who manages a decent gain before being taken down by Wonder Woman.
Game Synopsis: The first quarter of the game sees the Crows gain a considerable lead, as the Panda defense can't even touch their offensive line. Jax Teller comes in during the first quarter replacing King Kong as defense for one play. This gives the Pandas basically a free touchdown but during the play Jax injures Fred Flintstone, putting him out for the game. Kong returns to defense after this. Things finally turn darker for the Crows when Neil Patrick Harris manages to seduce Wonder Woman away from the Crows. Kong is deflated and upset and not quite as potent as he previously was, though still stronger than the Panda defense. The Pandas restructure their line. During the second quarter the sexual harrassers manage a few touchdowns and cycle through several bench players. Thunderbird replaces the dejected Kong for a play and ends up injuring Ambush Bug. However the Pandas manage to utilize Kirk to counteract the efficiency of The Doctor. During the second half, Jax returns for a play and injures Cowardly Lion before he gains the courage to fight back. The Pandas turn Wonder Woman against her former teammates and manage to get the truth of their playbook out of them, allowing them to return score. In the end it comes down to raw stats as the slightly superior Kong defense and the fourth quarter injection of Neville without the Pandas own Lion to counteract gives them the upperhand.

After the game the Crows are seen cussing out their newest recruit The War Doctor for allowing Kirk to get into his head.

Final: SHP 39 - CC 41

GRENADES vs AUTOMATONSThe Atlus boys continue a streak of refined gameplay when they pummel the Automatons 38 - 21

Season 3, Week 8

Commissioner's Note: Due to lack of strategies being sent in, and thus lack of plentiful writeups - coupled with finals week, this week will be one quick post with highlights.

GAME ONE:

Aberrations beat Impalers 48 - 21
Highlights: A new player
“As the Aberrations take the field, a new creature comes with them.  It seems to be a giant insect of some sort, complete with huge mandibles and long forearms, with 4 very strong, shorter, human arms attached to the torso.  As the Abberations lineup is announced, they call it “Umber Goro”, and seem to have it playing…kicker…”

Ousa is resurrected from death last week by Jozan. The Aberrations re-kill Falkor.
GAME TWO:

The Eels test their streak with a slight win in triple overtime over the MIA - 121 to 118

GAME THREE:
Grenades win 28 - 21
Grenades win in the third quarter when neither team can field a full team and they are already in the lead.

GAME FOUR:

Browncoats win 33 - 17

Browncoats use the rules of the game and see the Leviathans get blackflagged until they can't field a full team and forfeit.

GAME FIVE:

Pandas win 13 - 6

GAME SIX:

Crows win 40 - 33
HORCRUX/RIDDLE UPDATE:
Following up on the dual clues last week, RIDDLE was able to deduce that the next two targets are Pinhead's Lament Configuration puzzle box and the Holocaust Cloak hanging in the Eels trophy room. As of now, the coalition has not come up with a strategy to destroy either item.

Horcrux #5 and #6 tipoff

The RIDDLE Coalition took care of Teddy.

Now they must continue to locate horcruxes.

Browncoats vs Automatons

THE BIG DAMN BROWNCOATS

vs.

THE MITHRIL AUTOMATONS

Coin Toss: Browncoats win, will receive.

Kickoff: Kong kicks for a pickup by Took, who is tackled by Blackbeard.

Game Synopsis: The Browncoats are still feeling the loss of tactical genius and former quarterback Neil DeGrasse Tyson. However they still have a very fast team. The Automatons rely on a slightly more tactical game. The defensive ends of both teams fail to keep up with their opponents offense. In the end its the speed of the Browncoats and Took's interceptions that put them ahead. 

Final: BDB 36 - MA 30

Militants vs Pandas

THE MILITANTS OF OOO

vs.
THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT PANDAS

Coin Toss: Pandas win, will receive.

Kickoff: Gandalf kicks for a pickup by Neil Patrick Harris, who makes a small gain before being taken down by Potter.

Game Synopsis: The Pandas bring a strong running game which the foot clan of the Militants keeps up with mostly. However, with Hannibal boosting his ability to pass, he manages to get around them. Gandalf gets angry and refuses to allow his pass from the bench once each quarter, negating a touchdown each time. Meanwhile the Militants manage to easily stay away from the Panda defensive Clifford to keep even. Having an additional man - Ron, on the field, helps them as well. In the fourth quarter its a buffed up Cowardly Lion who manages to pull the Pandas ahead just enough.

Final: MOO 41 - SHP 47

Impalers vs Leviathans

THE IMMORTAL IMPALERS

vs.

THE INNSMOUTH LEVIATHANS

Coin Toss: Impalers win, will receive.

Kickoff: Wulfgar kicks for a pickup by Death, who nearly returns for a touchdown before being taken down by Famine.

Game Synopsis: This game sees a slightly tactically superior Impalers blow past the weaker defense of the Leviathans. Meanwhile the Leviathans "waste" time trying to injure members of the Impalers, only to learn that most are immortal and simply heal and return. The Leviathans do manage one death though: President Teddy's own teddy: His bear. 

Final: II 28 - IL 14

Grenades vs Eels

THE ATLUS ROCKET PROPELLED GRENADES

vs.

THE GUILDER BAY SHRIEKING EELS

The Grenades have made a one-week bargain with the Aberrations that sees them bring in Parallax for defense over their own Brienne of Tarth. 

Coin Toss: Grenades still win, will receive

Kickoff: Jesus kicks for a pickup by Silver Surfer, who makes a decent gain before being tackled by Alcide.

Game Synopsis: The Grenades gain the advantage from the start with Parallax being a tough defense for the Eels. He is able to keep up with them, and at one point he controls Eels quarterback Aquaman - causing a turnover that leads to a Grenade touchdown. Meanwhile the Eels work hard to get around Parallax, managing to do so but taking several downs usually. Loras tries and fails to seduce Dexter, while Dexter learns of Voldemort's evil past and tries to kill him while he is on the Eel bench. Though he does what would normally be considered a permanent kill, the horcruxes that still survive (see RIDDLE) keep this from working*. Dexter is blackflagged for his incursion onto the Eel bench, but as he is not a starter for the Grenades it doesn't affect them much. The Eels rely on Samwise to beef up their carrier, getting around Parallax. Meanwhile the Grenades get around the Eel defense rather easily until they've made a few touchdowns. Then The Hulk comes out, and now we see two teams with strong defensive lines going head to toe. The game even enters sudden death overtime, where the first team to score and break the tie wins. Aquaman and the Eels fail to score and after four downs the Grenades gain possession. The Hulk keeps them preoccupied as well but Professor X comes in and gets John Marston to turn cloak, causing him to run backwards until The Hulk can tackle him for a safety in the Eel end zone. 

Final: RPG 38 - GBSE 41

*Had the RIDDLE stuff never come up, the Kinktrollers would have simply killed Voldemort. However, with that roleplay being allowed weeks ago, its been established that the horcruxes must be destroyed first. In order to try to roleplay some, it has been decided that just like in the movies - but at a much faster rate - Voldemort is weakened and needs to regain a body. Which - surprise surprise, will take him a week. So he will not be available to play for the Eels next week (week 8) but can return on Week 9.