Team America vs. Mercs

The Freedom City Stars & Stripes

vs

The Mandalorian Mercs

@ All-American Astrodome

Paragon Percentage: Sauron will enter play

Coin Toss: Mercs win, will receive.

Kickoff: Santa Claus kicks to Bean, who makes a short gain before being taken down by Robocop.

Synopsis: With their paragon in play, the Mercs keep Team America at bay.

Result: FCS&S 14 - MM 33

Lycanthropes vs Team America

The Lankhmar Lycanthropes

vs.

Team America: The Freedom City Stars & Stripes

@ The All-American Astrodome

 Paragon Percentage: Wonder Woman will enter play.

Coin Toss: Team America wins, will receive.

Kickoff: Bard kicks in long to Captain America, who avoids Hermoine but is taken down by Red Sonja.

Entire Game Synopsis: After a promising start by the patriotic Team America, Wonder Woman and Hermoine team up to pull all the resources at hand into a formidable steamroll of shitkicking.

Result: LL 81 - FCS&S 13

Spartans vs Team America

The Requiem Spartans

vs.

The Freedom City Stars & Stripes

@ All-American Astrodome



Paragon Percentage: Ethan Hunt will enter play.

Coin Toss: Spartans win, will receive.

Kickoff: Santa Claus delivers to King Kong, who runs long for a quick touchdown.

Entire Game Synopsis:  Though initially successful, the Spartans are not prepared to take on Team America with their paragon in play. A few kinks keep them on the scoreboard but Ethan helps pull the patriotic Stars & Stripes vastly ahead.

Result: RS 21 - FCS&S 57

Team America vs. Assassins

Freedom City Stars & Stripes

vs.

The Asshai Assassins

@ The All-American Astrodome

The hometown boys come out to a cheering patriotic crowd



Paragon Percentage: Ethan Hunt will enter play.

Coin Toss: America wins, and in a show of good faith will let the Assassins receive.

Kickoff: Santa Claus delivers downfield to Loras Tyrell, who easily bypasses Palin and Romey but is taken down by Mr. Rogers.
Entire Game Synopsis: The Assassins never had a chance even if Team America didn't field a paragon. Though their running game isn't perfect due to the faults of Romney and Palin, Captain and the rest of the gang easily out maneuver Robb's efforts. When Ethan as defense injures Robb, the Assassins lose momentum and fall apart.

Result: FCS&S 45 - AA 21

Team America vs. Stereotypes

The Freedom City Stars & Stripes

aka "Team America"

vs.

The Statistically Validated Stereotypes

@ The All-American Astrodome

Paragon Percentage: Neither paragon will enter play.

Coin Toss: The Stereotypes win, will receive. Typical liberal handout attitude.

Kickoff: Santa Claus delivers from afar to Gray Mouser, who manages to bypass the defense and instantly score for the Stereotypes. 

First Quarter: Team America retaliates quickly by putting Palin and Romney....

(seen here. Romney only appears black due getting his elbows dirty to fix America.)

....into the running, landing consecutive touchdown fakeouts.  Not to be outdone, the Stereotypes load up MS DOS and program Movie-Version-Deadpool into the endzone and into a successful conversion. By sheer dumb luck Willy Gilligan manages to return with an 80 yard touchdown but The Animaniacs manage a intercept during the try and return down the field for a touchdown of their own. The score is 20-19 Stereotypes going into the second.
Second Quarter: Tired of the bullshit, The Comedian takes out Palin, Rogers, Gilligan, and Grimes before Robocop takes him down. Team America field Captains Sternn and Freedom, Private Pledge, and Dan Connor leaving their bench nearly barren while The Nigga Merlin comes out for the Stereotypes. Late as usual. You people. The Lazy stereotypes decide they need a break for rest (you people!) and Sonya Blade, Jax Briggs, Nightwolf, and Danny Lightfoot come out for a bit. Lightfoot and Nightwolf are drunk (YOU PEOPLE?!?) and Jax appears high, and may have just got done fucking Sonya (Eh, all people really). The lack of cohesion leads a pissed of Lancer to run the only touchdown of the quarter himself.
Second Half: The game comes to an early end when Jax uses his skills to ground assault the G.I.Joe team, allowing That Nigga Merlin to C-Walk into the endzone.  The Joes are replaced by Jack Burton, leaving Team America with no backup (sounds familiar.....). The Stereotypes capitalize on this by overloading one side of the line of scrimmage (monotypes?) and blitzing Burton, injuring him and causing the Stars & Stripes to retire from the field to nurse their wounds.

Result: FCS&S 19 - SVS 38